“You are the best story I have ever told.”
— A recurring theme of the artist's dedication to the muse.

pleasefindthis (2015)
Genre
Creativity / Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
120 min
Key Themes
See below
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A personal collection of prose and photography, this book feels like a conversation shared directly with your soul, exploring emotions that connect us all.
The book begins with a direct, intimate address from the unnamed narrator to an equally unnamed 'you.' This immediate intimacy sets the tone, presenting the narrator as a personal confidant or lover. They speak of creating something specifically for 'you,' an act of dedication and vulnerability. The narrator uses evocative language to describe their inner thoughts, often reflecting on shared memories or unspoken understandings with 'you.' This first section establishes the core idea: the book itself is a private communication, a tender offering meant to resonate individually with the reader, who is 'you.' There is a sense of longing and a desire for deep connection, even if the details of this connection remain unclear.
Throughout the early sections, the narrator shares fragmented memories and observations that hint at a shared past with 'you.' These are not linear story events but sensory details, emotional states, and philosophical thoughts. They recall specific moments—a shared silence, a particular glance, the feeling of a touch—without explicitly detailing the context. The prose often focuses on the beauty in everyday occurrences, given special meaning because they were experienced or imagined with 'you.' A recurring theme is searching, both for 'you' and for understanding within the relationship. The narrator's words evoke nostalgia, a longing for what was or what could be, painting a picture of a deep, yet possibly fractured, bond.
A sense of absence or distance begins to appear in the narrator's reflections. While 'you' are constantly addressed, there are hints that 'you' might not be physically present, or that a significant emotional gap has opened between the narrator and 'you.' The narrator expresses feelings of loneliness, confusion, and a persistent longing for connection that is not fully returned or understood. They question the nature of their bond, the reasons for 'your' perceived withdrawal, and the impact of this separation on their own identity. This section explores the pain of unfulfilled desire and the struggle to maintain a connection when faced with silence or ambiguity, moving from pure romantic idealization to a more complex emotional state.
The prose explores the philosophical aspects of love, loss, and memory. The narrator thinks about the fragility of human connection, the inevitability of change, and the lasting impact of past relationships. They ponder if love can truly last, or if it will fade, leaving only echoes. There is a bittersweet acceptance of a possible ending, even while holding onto hope for reconciliation or renewed understanding. The language becomes more introspective, exploring grief, yearning, and the complex mix of hope and despair that comes with deep emotional attachment. The narrator seeks meaning in the pain, trying to express the lessons learned from loving 'you.'
A significant idea emerges: writing itself is the main way the narrator maintains or re-establishes connection with 'you.' The narrator repeatedly says they are writing 'this for you,' framing the entire book as a direct communication, a lifeline across whatever distance separates them. Writing becomes proof of their lasting feelings, a way to process emotions, and an attempt to be heard and understood. It is an act of faith, believing these words will somehow reach 'you' and resonate. This section highlights the therapeutic and connective power of artistic expression, presenting the book not just as a collection of thoughts, but as a living letter to 'you.'
The narrator continues to deal with ambiguity, often asking rhetorical questions to 'you' about their bond and 'your' perspective. They express a deep desire for understanding, for a clear signal or acknowledgment from 'you.' There is vulnerability in this search, as the narrator reveals hopes and fears, admitting confusion and longing for resolution. This section reflects the human experience of seeking clarity in complex relationships, of wanting to know where one stands. The narrator's introspection shows a need for mutual understanding, a desire to bridge the gap of unspoken thoughts and emotions that often exist between people, especially during love or its aftermath.
A recurring theme is the acceptance of imperfection, both in the narrator's own emotional state and in the relationship with 'you.' The narrator acknowledges their vulnerabilities, fears, and flaws, presenting an honest portrayal of human emotion. There is beauty in this openness, a recognition that true connection often comes from shared vulnerability rather than idealized perfection. This section suggests a maturity in the narrator's view, moving beyond naive romanticism towards a more nuanced understanding of love's complexities. It is about finding strength in sincerity and recognizing that genuine intimacy often requires dropping pretenses and showing one's true self, even if it means risking hurt.
Memory plays an important role, acting as both comfort and torment. The narrator often revisits past moments with 'you,' holding onto them as proof of their connection. These memories often have a bittersweet quality, reminding the narrator of what was, what is, and what might never be again. They form a constant background to the narrator's present emotional state, shaping perceptions and desires. Remembering is a way to keep 'you' alive in their thoughts, even if 'you' are physically or emotionally distant. This section shows the lasting impact of shared history and how it continues to shape one's identity and emotional state long after the events.
Even in moments of deep sadness or confusion, hope runs through the narrator's words. This hope is not necessarily for a grand reunion or a perfect resolution, but for continued understanding, for the lasting resonance of their connection, or simply for the possibility that 'you' will read and understand these words. The narrator's persistent act of writing 'for you' is itself an act of hope, a belief in the power of communication and the potential for shared feeling. This section highlights the human spirit's resilience in the face of emotional uncertainty, suggesting that even a small glimmer of possibility can sustain one through difficult times, and that love can endure beyond immediate circumstances.
The most defining aspect of the book is the reader's realization that they are, in fact, the 'you' being addressed. The narrator's intimate, direct prose creates a unique experience where the reader feels personally seen, understood, and spoken to. The ambiguity of 'your' identity allows the reader to project their own experiences, desires, and relationships onto the narrative, making the book deeply personal. This mechanism blurs the line between author, character, and reader, forming a unique connection. The book becomes a mirror, reflecting the reader's own emotional state through the narrator's words, making each reading a unique and intimate encounter with the text and, by extension, with oneself. It explores universal human emotions through a highly individualized lens.
The Protagonist
The Narrator's arc is less about external change and more about deepening self-awareness and acceptance of the complexities of love and absence, culminating in an enduring commitment to expressing their truth.
The Central Figure/Recipient
'You' have no explicit arc within the narrative, but the narrator's evolving perception of 'you' shifts from pure idealization to a more nuanced understanding of shared vulnerability and potential absence.
The Implied Protagonist/Active Participant
The Reader's arc is personal and varies, but ideally involves a journey of self-reflection, empathy, and a deepened understanding of their own emotional landscape through the lens of the narrator's words.
The book centers on the deep intimacy between the narrator and 'you,' which extends to the reader. The narrator's willingness to reveal their deepest emotions, fears, and longings creates an environment of extreme vulnerability. This vulnerability is not weakness, but the foundation of genuine connection. By sharing their true self, the narrator invites a reciprocal openness, even if that reciprocity is an internal experience for the reader. This theme appears in every phrase, as the narrator's direct address and emotional honesty compel the reader to engage personally, fostering a unique sense of being seen and understood. The work is an ode to the courage needed for true intimacy.
“I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you.”
The book explores love not as a static emotion, but as a dynamic interplay with loss and longing. The narrator's intense affection for 'you' is constantly touched by the possibility or reality of absence, distance, or misunderstanding. This intertwining suggests that the depth of love often becomes most clear in its potential or actual loss. The pain of separation, the yearning for what was, and the uncertainty of future connection are all part of the loving experience portrayed. The narrative accepts the bittersweet nature of deep attachment, where joy and sorrow are two sides of the same coin, constantly influencing each other. This theme shows in the narrator's nostalgic reflections on shared moments and their concurrent struggle with 'your' perceived distance.
“I miss you in ways that only a heart can understand, in silences that speak louder than words.”
Writing is presented not just as a medium, but as a vital, transformative act for the narrator. It is their main way of processing emotions, maintaining connection with 'you,' and finding meaning in experiences. Putting thoughts and feelings into words allows the narrator to deal with complex emotions, to overcome physical distance, and to create a lasting testament to their love and longing. The book itself becomes a piece of art that serves as a bridge, an attempt to bring presence out of absence. For the reader, the artistic prose transforms their experience into a personal reflection, showing how art can be a mirror and a catalyst for self-discovery and emotional processing. This theme highlights the power of creative expression to heal, connect, and articulate the ineffable.
“I write because it's the only way I know how to talk to you, to make you hear me when you're not here.”
The story is entirely filtered through the narrator's subjective experience, emphasizing how personal and often unclear our perceptions of relationships and memories can be. 'You' are defined solely by the narrator's feelings, recollections, and projections. There is no external validation or objective account of 'your' actions or feelings, leaving much open to interpretation. This shows how memory can be selective, colored by emotion, and how our understanding of others is always an internal construction. The reader, in becoming 'you,' experiences this subjectivity firsthand, filling in the blanks with their own perceptions. This theme encourages an awareness of how individual perspectives shape our realities and our relationships, and how even shared moments can be remembered and felt differently by each person involved.
“Perhaps I only remember the parts of you that fit into the story I'm trying to tell myself.”
The consistent use of 'you' as the primary recipient of the narrator's words.
This is the foundational device of the entire book. By constantly addressing 'you,' the narrator creates an immediate and intense sense of intimacy. This 'you' is deliberately ambiguous, allowing the reader to seamlessly step into that role. It blurs the line between a character within the narrative and the actual reader, making the experience profoundly personal and immersive. The direct address bypasses traditional narrative distance, drawing the reader into a one-sided, yet deeply felt, conversation, and making the book's content resonate on an individual, rather than universal, level.
The deliberate lack of specific names for the main 'characters.'
The absence of names for both the narrator and 'you' is a crucial device that enhances the universality and personal connection of the book. By remaining unnamed, the narrator can represent anyone experiencing profound love or longing, and 'you' can represent anyone the reader has loved or lost. This anonymity prevents the reader from getting caught up in specific character details and instead encourages them to project their own experiences and relationships onto the narrative. It reinforces the idea that the emotions expressed are universal, even if the specific circumstances are left to the reader's imagination, creating a deeply relatable and adaptable emotional landscape.
The use of short, poetic passages rather than a continuous storyline.
Instead of a traditional linear plot, the book consists of a series of poetic prose fragments, observations, and emotional reflections. This non-linear structure mirrors the way memories and emotions often surface in our minds – not as a coherent story, but as disconnected moments, feelings, and thoughts. It invites the reader to piece together an emotional narrative rather than a factual one. This device also emphasizes the internal, subjective nature of the narrator's experience, focusing on mood and feeling over concrete events. It allows for a deeper exploration of emotional states, making the book feel more like a stream of consciousness than a structured story.
The intentional vagueness regarding the relationship's specifics and outcomes.
The book thrives on ambiguity. The exact nature of the relationship between the narrator and 'you' – whether it's past, present, unrequited, or imagined – is never fully clarified. This device is vital for allowing readers to project their own experiences onto the text. It prevents the book from being confined to a single story, instead making it a vessel for countless individual narratives. The open interpretation ensures that each reader's experience is unique and deeply personal, as they fill in the blanks with their own emotional history, making the book profoundly relatable and enduring in its impact beyond a single reading.
“You are the best story I have ever told.”
— A recurring theme of the artist's dedication to the muse.
“The world is not a safe place for beautiful things, and you are beautiful.”
— An expression of protectiveness and the vulnerability of beauty.
“I hope you find someone who knows how to love you when you are sad.”
— A wish for deep, empathetic understanding in a relationship.
“Maybe the art isn't in what you create, but in what you destroy.”
— A reflection on the destructive and transformative aspects of creativity.
“I hope you are somewhere laughing, and I hope I am the reason.”
— A simple, heartfelt desire for the muse's happiness and the artist's role in it.
“You are my favorite kind of lonely.”
— A paradoxical expression of comfort and connection found in shared solitude.
“Don't let anyone tell you that you're too much. You are exactly enough.”
— An empowering message against self-doubt and external criticism.
“I think the most important thing is to be kind to yourself.”
— A gentle reminder of self-care and self-compassion.
“Every time I write for you, I feel like I'm writing myself into existence.”
— The artist's sense of self-discovery and validation through creation.
“I hope you find the things that make your heart sing.”
— A universal wish for joy and passion in life.
“Sometimes the most beautiful things are the ones that break you a little.”
— A poignant observation on the bittersweet nature of beauty and experience.
“You are not a poem. You are the poet.”
— An assertion of agency and creativity over being merely an object of inspiration.
“I hope you never stop believing in magic.”
— A wish for continued wonder and hope in the world.
“We are all just trying to make sense of the beautiful mess.”
— A reflection on the universal human experience of navigating life's complexities.
“Thank you for being the reason I believe in love.”
— A direct expression of gratitude for the muse's impact on the artist's belief in love.
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