“I may not be able to talk, but I can still tell you exactly what I think.”
— Early in the book, Robin reflects on her inability to speak and her determination to communicate.
Archivist's Choice
Say What You Will
Cammie McGovern (2014)
Genre
Psychology / Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
218 min
Key Themes
See below
Track Your Reading
Sign in to track this book
A fiercely independent girl with cerebral palsy and a boy with OCD find an unexpected love that sees beyond their perceived flaws, proving that true connection thrives in shared vulnerability.
Synopsis
Amy, a high school senior with cerebral palsy, navigates her final year with student aides. She uses a walker, a voice box, and struggles with motor control. Matthew, a fellow student, applies to be one of her aides. He lives with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, which manifests in repetitive thoughts, rituals, and anxiety. Initially, their relationship is professional, but as they spend more time together, a deep friendship forms. They find a shared vulnerability and understanding in each other, pushing past their individual challenges and social barriers. This connection blossoms into a tentative romance, forcing both Amy and Matthew to confront their fears and perceptions of themselves and each other. Their bond is tested by high school, prom, a summer apart, and decisions about college and their futures, as they find their own paths while supporting each other.
Reading time
218 min
Difficulty
Easy
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Heartwarming, Poignant, Honest, Emotional
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy emotionally resonant young adult romance with complex characters facing significant personal challenges.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer lighthearted stories without exploration of disability or mental health struggles.
Plot Summary
A New Senior Year Plan
Amy Nelson, a high school senior with severe cerebral palsy, wants a more independent and socially integrated final year. Unable to walk without a walker, speak without a voice box, or control her movements and expressions, she relies heavily on her family. After a bad experience with a professional aide who treated her like a child, Amy decides to hire fellow students as aides. Her mother, Mrs. Nelson, is skeptical but supports Amy's desire for independence. Amy posts flyers around Coral Hills High School, hoping to find students who will treat her as an equal.
Matthew's Unexpected Application
Matthew Calhoun, a quiet and intelligent student, applies for the aide position. Matthew struggles with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which causes repeated thoughts, elaborate rituals, and anxiety, especially in social interactions. He likes the job because it offers a structured, predictable environment, and he thinks Amy's physical limitations might make her less demanding of social graces. During the interview, Matthew's meticulousness and directness impress Amy, who is tired of pity. Despite his awkwardness, Amy feels a surprising connection and hires him, to her mother's surprise.
Navigating the First Weeks
Their working relationship begins with a learning curve. Matthew struggles to understand Amy's synthesized voice and non-verbal cues. He is meticulous about his duties, such as pushing her wheelchair and carrying her books, but often misses the social nuances Amy desires. Amy, frustrated by his literal interpretations and lack of conversation, initially questions her decision. However, Matthew's steady presence and willingness to patiently wait for her to formulate thoughts begin to break down Amy's guardedness. She starts to appreciate his reliability and the quiet comfort of his presence.
A Shared Vulnerability
One day, Amy sees Matthew performing a complex ritual involving counting and touching objects, realizing it is more than just quirks. She confronts him gently, and Matthew, in a rare moment of vulnerability, explains his OCD. He describes the intrusive thoughts and the need to perform rituals to prevent perceived catastrophes. This revelation changes their dynamic. Amy understands his earlier social awkwardness and need for routine. Matthew, in turn, sees Amy's struggle for control over her body as similar to his own battle for control over his mind, creating a mutual empathy that deepens their connection.
Breaking Social Barriers
With Matthew's help, Amy begins to participate in school life beyond academics. He meticulously plans their routes through crowded hallways, ensuring she can navigate safely. He becomes her silent, steady companion at school events, allowing her to observe and occasionally interact with other students. While Matthew is still socially anxious, his presence gives Amy the confidence to be more social. He helps her attend a school play and even a football game, pushing her past her comfort zone and allowing her to feel more like a typical teenager, something she deeply wants.
The Prom Dilemma
As prom season approaches, Amy wants to attend. She has always felt excluded from such milestones. Matthew, despite his own social anxieties, recognizes its importance for her. He helps her pick out a dress and navigate the logistical challenges. However, Amy's hopes for a romantic or even just a socially fulfilling experience at prom are dashed. She feels isolated and observed, rather than truly included, and Matthew's attempts to comfort her are well-intentioned but limited by his own struggles. The experience is bittersweet, showing both their growing bond and the persistent challenges they face.
A Summer Apart
After graduation, Amy and Matthew are separated for the summer. Amy, feeling more independent and empowered, explores her future, including potential colleges and new interests. Matthew, meanwhile, confronts his OCD more directly, seeking therapy and working on managing his compulsions without Amy's daily structure. The separation is difficult for both, as they have become integral parts of each other's routines and support systems. They communicate through letters and occasional calls, revealing how deeply they miss their unique connection and the comfort they found in each other's presence.
Reunion and Shifting Dynamics
When they reunite, their dynamic has shifted. Amy is more assertive and aware of her own desires, while Matthew has gained some control over his OCD, though it is an ongoing battle. Their friendship deepens into something more, as they acknowledge their feelings for each other. However, their physical limitations and psychological struggles present unique challenges to a conventional romantic relationship. They navigate the complexities of intimacy, communication, and societal expectations, realizing their connection goes beyond typical definitions of romance. They find comfort and understanding in their shared vulnerabilities.
The College Decision
Amy is accepted into a college program that offers good support for students with disabilities, but it is some distance away. Matthew, still dealing with his OCD, considers staying closer to home for his own treatment and stability. This decision creates tension, as they both want to be together but also need to prioritize their individual growth and well-being. They have difficult conversations about their future, acknowledging the practical challenges and the importance of supporting each other's personal journeys, even if it means temporary separation.
Finding Their Own Way
Ultimately, Amy and Matthew decide to pursue their individual paths while committing to their relationship. They understand that their love story won't look like everyone else's, but it is no less valid. Amy moves to college, embracing her newfound independence, and Matthew continues his therapy, making progress in managing his OCD. They maintain their deep connection through regular communication, visits, and a shared understanding that their love is built on acceptance, empathy, and appreciation for each other's unique selves. They find strength in their unconventional bond.
Principal Figures
Amy Nelson
The Protagonist
Amy evolves from a socially isolated and somewhat resigned individual to an empowered young woman who actively seeks out connection and defines her own path, embracing her vulnerabilities and strengths.
Matthew Calhoun
The Protagonist
Matthew learns to confront and manage his OCD, moving from extreme social isolation to forming a profound connection with Amy, discovering the power of vulnerability and authentic self-expression.
Mrs. Nelson
The Supporting
Mrs. Nelson gradually learns to loosen her grip, allowing Amy more autonomy and trusting her to make her own decisions, even if they come with risks.
Mr. Nelson
The Supporting
Remains a consistent source of support, evolving to fully embrace Amy's growing independence and unique relationship with Matthew.
Sarah
The Supporting
Serves as a foil to Matthew, highlighting the difference between superficial help and genuine connection.
Themes & Insights
The Search for Autonomy and Independence
This theme is central to Amy's journey. Despite her severe physical limitations, Amy wants to control her own life, make her own choices, and be seen as an individual, not just her disability. Her decision to hire student aides, rather than professional ones, shows this. She pushes against her mother's well-meaning but stifling overprotectiveness, as seen when she insists on attending prom or choosing her college. Her relationship with Matthew, who respects her agency and helps her navigate the world on her own terms, empowers her to achieve independence she previously thought impossible.
““I wanted to be seen. Not just my chair, not just my voice box, but me.””
Finding Connection Through Shared Vulnerability
The novel shows how true connection often comes from acknowledging and accepting one's vulnerabilities. Both Amy and Matthew carry significant burdens – Amy's physical disability and Matthew's OCD – that isolate them from their peers. Only when Matthew reveals his OCD to Amy, and Amy in turn shares her frustrations and desires with him, does their bond deepen. They recognize in each other a similar struggle to navigate a world not designed for them. This shared understanding allows them to see past their respective 'faults' and appreciate each other's inherent worth, forming a relationship built on empathy and mutual acceptance.
““We were both broken, in our own ways. And maybe that’s why we fit together.””
Redefining Love and Relationships
The book challenges conventional notions of romance and relationships. Amy and Matthew's love story is unconventional, shaped by their unique challenges. Their intimacy is not primarily physical but intellectual, emotional, and deeply empathetic. They communicate through patience, observation, and a deep understanding of each other's struggles. The novel suggests that love does not always conform to societal expectations or perfect appearances. Their relationship shows that true love is about seeing, accepting, and cherishing another person for exactly who they are, disabilities and all, and supporting their individual growth.
““It wasn’t a love that looked like anyone else’s, but it was ours.””
The Power of Communication and Interpretation
Communication is a significant theme, both as a challenge and a bridge. Amy's reliance on a voice box and her limited facial expressions mean that others often misinterpret or dismiss her. Matthew, with his literal interpretations and social anxieties, initially struggles to understand her. However, their developing relationship forces them to learn new ways of communicating – through patience, observation, and a deep desire to understand. Matthew learns to read Amy's subtle cues, and Amy learns to articulate her needs more clearly. Their journey shows how effective communication goes beyond spoken words, requiring empathy and a willingness to truly listen and interpret.
““Sometimes, the most important words weren’t spoken at all.””
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
First-Person Dual Perspective
Alternating chapters narrated by Amy and Matthew.
The novel is told through alternating first-person perspectives, with chapters from both Amy's and Matthew's viewpoints. This device is crucial for providing deep insight into their internal worlds. Amy's chapters reveal her intelligence, wit, and frustration, often contrasting with how others perceive her. Matthew's chapters expose his intricate OCD rituals, anxieties, and the logical yet often misunderstood workings of his mind. This dual perspective allows readers to understand their individual struggles and the profound empathy that develops between them, highlighting the disconnect between internal experience and external presentation.
The Voice Box
Amy's electronic speech device.
Amy's voice box serves as a powerful symbol and a practical plot device. Symbolically, it represents her struggle for voice and agency in a world that often silences or misunderstands her. Practically, it dictates the pace of her communication, forcing others (especially Matthew) to slow down, listen intently, and truly process her words. It highlights the challenges of effective communication and the patience required to bridge gaps. The voice box also underscores Amy's determination to communicate on her own terms, rather than relying on others to speak for her.
Matthew's OCD Rituals
Detailed descriptions of Matthew's compulsive behaviors.
The detailed descriptions of Matthew's OCD rituals (counting, touching, checking) serve several purposes. They vividly illustrate the severity of his condition and the internal torment he experiences, making his character more understandable and sympathetic. They also act as a barrier to his social interactions, explaining his initial awkwardness and isolation. Critically, the rituals become a point of connection for Amy when she observes and eventually understands them, leading to a deeper empathy between them. They are a tangible representation of his internal struggle for control and predictability.
The School Environment
High school as a microcosm for social challenges.
The high school setting acts as a microcosm for the social challenges Amy and Matthew face. It's a place where social norms, peer pressure, and the desire for acceptance are amplified. For Amy, it's a battleground for independence and inclusion. For Matthew, it's a source of immense anxiety and a place where his OCD is constantly triggered. The school provides a structured backdrop against which their personal growth and the development of their unconventional relationship are highlighted, showcasing their efforts to navigate a 'normal' environment despite their extraordinary circumstances.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
“It’s amazing how much you can understand when you really try to listen, not just with your ears.”
— Robin observes Peter's attempts to understand her despite her speech impediment.
“Sometimes the things you can’t say are the most important ones.”
— Robin struggles with unspoken feelings and truths.
“He didn't try to fix me. He just tried to understand me. And that was everything.”
— Robin reflects on Peter's unique approach to their relationship.
“The world doesn’t make allowances for you just because you’re different. You have to make your own way.”
— Robin's internal monologue about navigating life with her challenges.
“Being heard isn't always about making noise.”
— Robin's realization about the various ways she can make her presence and thoughts known.
“Love isn't about perfection. It's about seeing the imperfections and loving them anyway.”
— Robin's evolving understanding of what love truly means in her relationship with Peter.
“He saw past the stutter, past the wheelchair, past all the things people usually got stuck on.”
— Robin's internal thoughts about Peter's unique perception of her.
“It’s not about what you can’t do, it’s about what you do with what you can.”
— A guiding principle Robin adopts for herself.
“Sometimes you have to be brave enough to let people see the real you, even the parts you'd rather hide.”
— Robin's journey towards vulnerability and self-acceptance.
“Silence can be a language all its own, if you know how to read it.”
— Robin reflecting on her own way of communicating and how Peter learns to interpret it.
“The greatest connections are often found in the most unexpected places, with the most unexpected people.”
— Robin considers her unusual and profound relationship with Peter.
“You don't need perfect words to have a perfect moment.”
— Robin's realization during an intimate moment with Peter.
Quiz
Test Your Knowledge
Ready to see how well you understood this book? Take our interactive quiz with 10 questions.
10
Questions
~5
Minutes
?
Best Score
Key Questions (FAQ)
The novel centers on the unlikely bond between Amy, a high school senior with cerebral palsy who uses a voice box and walker, and Matthew, a classmate struggling with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. Their relationship begins when Amy hires Matthew as one of her student aides, leading to a profound connection that helps them navigate their respective challenges and societal perceptions.
Similar books
The Secret Daily Teachings
Rhonda Byrne
4.3
The Science of Self-Control
Menno Henselmans
4.3
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
Sylvia Plath
4.3
The Social Animal
Elliot Aronson
4.3
The Power of Myth
Joseph Campbell
4.3
The Sane Society
Erich Fromm
4.3
The Schopenhauer Cure
Irvin D. Yalom
4.2
The Secret of Nightingale Wood
Lucy Strange
4.2