David Leavitt (2014)
Genre
Romance
Reading Time
600 min
Key Themes
See below
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As New York City changes, a complacent couple's world shatters when their son's coming out forces them to confront the unspoken desires and secret life that have long defined their own fragile marriage.
The novel opens on a typical Sunday for Owen and Rose Benjamin in their Upper West Side apartment. Rose, a crossword enthusiast and editor, focuses on the New York Times. Owen, a book editor, begins his secret ritual: visiting gay porn theaters. This particular Sunday, he reflects on his life and the growing emotional distance between him and Rose. Their son, Eliot, is away at college, creating an even greater sense of emptiness in their home. Owen's thoughts reveal a deep longing and confusion about his own identity, contrasting sharply with Rose's outwardly content, if somewhat detached, demeanor. The scene establishes the mundane yet conflicted nature of their marriage and Owen's secret life.
Eliot Benjamin, a student at Columbia, returns home for the summer and immediately senses the unspoken tensions between his parents. He has been grappling with his own identity and a new relationship with a man named Paul. One evening, Eliot bravely tells Owen and Rose he is gay. The revelation shatters the carefully built facade of their family life. Rose reacts with shock, confusion, and a subtle grief for the future she had envisioned for her son. Owen, however, feels a deep and unsettling resonance, a recognition of feelings he has long suppressed. Eliot's coming out acts as a catalyst, forcing his parents to confront uncomfortable truths about themselves and their marriage.
Following Eliot's announcement, Owen experiences an intense period of self-reflection. His son's honesty inadvertently gives voice to Owen's own unspoken desires and secret life. He finds himself replaying past encounters, memories of men, and his furtive visits to gay porn theaters with a new understanding. The shame and secrecy that once defined these experiences begin to morph into a nascent understanding of his true self. Owen grapples with the implications of his hidden desires, the potential destruction of his marriage, and the impact this revelation would have on Rose and Eliot. He feels a complex mix of fear, liberation, and a deep, empathetic connection to his son's journey.
Rose struggles with Eliot's revelation. Her initial shock gives way to a desire to understand, but also a deep fear and a sense of loss. She had always imagined Eliot marrying a woman and having children, a traditional future now changed. Rose tries to process her son's identity, reading books on homosexuality and attempting to be supportive, but she often feels alienated and confused. She observes Owen's unusually subdued and reflective demeanor, sensing a shift in him that she cannot quite articulate. Her world, once predictable and stable, is now filled with uncertainties, forcing her to re-evaluate her understanding of love, family, and her own marriage.
Adding to the family's emotional upheaval, Owen and Rose receive news that their landlord is initiating a co-op conversion, threatening their long-standing tenancy in their Upper West Side apartment. This external pressure further destabilizes their lives. Their home represents a cornerstone of their shared history and identity. The potential loss of their apartment forces them to confront practical and financial realities. It also symbolizes the crumbling foundations of their familiar world. The impending eviction amplifies the sense of displacement and uncertainty already permeating their personal lives, making their emotional struggles even more acute as they contemplate a future without their cherished home.
Driven by Eliot's courage and his own intensifying desires, Owen begins to take hesitant steps towards exploring his homosexuality more openly. He continues his visits to gay porn theaters, but now with a heightened sense of purpose and a growing desire for genuine connection rather than mere anonymous release. He also starts frequenting gay bars, observing the interactions and culture, feeling both a sense of belonging and immense fear. These excursions are filled with anxiety and self-doubt, but they are also liberating. Owen's internal world is slowly expanding, pushing against the boundaries of the life he has meticulously maintained for decades. He yearns for understanding and acceptance, not just from others, but from himself.
Throughout his parents' turmoil, Eliot's relationship with Paul blossoms. Paul, an older, more established man, offers Eliot a sense of stability, understanding, and love that he has long wanted. Their relationship is portrayed with sensitivity and warmth, highlighting the joy and normalcy of gay love. Eliot finds solace and strength in Paul, navigating the complexities of his coming out process with his partner's unwavering support. Their growing romance contrasts with the hidden desires and marital strife of Owen and Rose, demonstrating the potential for genuine connection and happiness that Owen is only just beginning to imagine for himself. Eliot's journey provides a hopeful counterpoint to the generational struggle with identity.
As Owen's internal world shifts, his behavior subtly changes, and Rose, though initially focused on Eliot, begins to notice. She observes his late nights, his increasing preoccupation, and a certain distance in his gaze. Her intuition, honed over decades of marriage, starts to piece together the unspoken. Rose's initial reaction is confusion, then a dawning suspicion that something profound is happening with Owen, separate from Eliot's revelation. She feels a growing sense of isolation and betrayal, not yet understanding the full scope of his secret, but sensing a fundamental shift in their relationship. The unspoken becomes a palpable presence between them, creating an unbearable tension.
The tension between Owen and Rose reaches a breaking point. After a particularly difficult evening, Owen, unable to bear the weight of his secret any longer, finally confesses his homosexuality to Rose. He reveals his lifelong struggle, his furtive visits to gay porn theaters, and his growing desire to live authentically. Rose's reaction is a complex mixture of shock, pain, anger, and a deep sense of betrayal. The confession shatters their shared history and the illusions she had held about their life together. This scene is emotionally raw and devastating, forcing both Owen and Rose to confront the profound implications of his truth on their marriage and their individual futures.
After Owen's confession, the Benjamins' marriage unravels. They decide to separate, a decision filled with sadness and uncertainty. Rose grapples with the grief of losing the life she had known and the man she thought she married. She begins to forge a new identity for herself, independent of Owen. Owen, though pained by the hurt he has caused, feels a sense of liberation and begins to more fully embrace his identity. He moves into a new apartment, a symbolic step towards a new life. The separation is painful for both, but it also represents a necessary step towards individual authenticity and the possibility of new beginnings, albeit in different directions.
Eliot, having navigated his own coming out, supports both his parents through their respective crises. He offers understanding to Owen, empathizing with his father's belated journey of self-discovery, and provides comfort to Rose as she processes her grief and anger. Eliot's maturity and love help bridge the gap that forms between his parents. His relationship with Paul continues to flourish, serving as a beacon of hope and a model of a loving, open partnership. Eliot's journey, initially a source of conflict, ultimately helps to create a more honest and authentic, though painful, future for his family.
The issue of the apartment is eventually resolved. While the specifics of the co-op conversion are challenging, Owen and Rose make decisions that reflect their new realities. Rose, resilient and practical, finds a way to secure a new living situation, demonstrating her ability to adapt and rebuild. Owen, in his new apartment, begins to build a life that aligns with his true self, exploring new connections and experiences within the gay community. The resolution of the housing crisis, while significant, ultimately takes a backseat to the personal transformations both characters undergo, symbolizing their ability to find new foundations for their lives.
After his separation from Rose, Owen fully embraces his identity as a gay man. He continues to explore the gay community, forming new friendships and tentative romantic connections. While the path is not without its challenges and lingering regrets, Owen experiences a profound sense of authenticity and peace he had never known. He learns to navigate this new world, discovering a part of himself that had been dormant for decades. His journey is one of belated self-acceptance and the courage to live truthfully, even in the face of immense personal sacrifice. He finds a quiet satisfaction in finally being true to himself.
Rose, despite the pain and disillusionment, shows remarkable resilience. She grieves the loss of her marriage and the life she envisioned, but she also begins to build a new, independent existence. She focuses on her work, her friendships, and her own interests, finding strength in her self-sufficiency. Rose's journey is one of adaptation and empowerment, learning to redefine happiness and fulfillment outside the traditional confines of her marriage. While the wounds of betrayal may linger, she emerges as a stronger, more self-aware woman, capable of facing an uncertain future with dignity and resolve.
By the novel's end, the Benjamin family has been changed, but a new, more honest dynamic begins to emerge. Owen and Rose, though no longer married, maintain a complex, respectful relationship, united by their love for Eliot. Eliot continues to thrive in his relationship with Paul, providing a stable and loving example for his parents. The secrets and unspoken desires that once permeated their lives have been brought into the open, allowing for a more authentic, if painful, form of connection. The family, redefined, moves forward, having navigated personal transformations and finding a way to coexist with their new truths.
The Protagonist
Owen moves from a life of deep repression and secrecy to a courageous, albeit painful, embrace of his true homosexual identity.
The Protagonist
Rose transforms from a woman living in comfortable denial to one who, through pain, finds resilience and independence.
The Supporting
Eliot moves from the initial bravery of coming out to a position of strength and support for his parents.
The Supporting
Paul remains a consistent source of love and support, embodying the stability Eliot finds in his identity.
The Mentioned
His influence is primarily retrospective, shaping Owen's early repression.
The Mentioned
Her role is static, representing the societal norms Owen initially adhered to.
The Mentioned
The Landlord's action precipitates a crisis that forces the Benjamins to consider their future.
This theme is central to the novel, appearing primarily through Owen's lifelong repression of his homosexuality. His secret life, spent in furtive visits to gay porn theaters, shows the psychological toll of living inauthentically. Eliot's coming out acts as a mirror, forcing Owen to confront his own hidden desires. Rose also lives with unspoken assumptions about her marriage, which are shattered by Owen's confession. The novel shows how secrets, even those kept to protect, ultimately damage intimacy and lead to profound personal and relational pain, as seen in the breakdown of Owen and Rose's marriage.
“He thought of his own life, a life built on a secret, a life that had always felt like a performance.”
The novel explores the nature of identity, particularly sexual identity, and the journey of self-discovery at different life stages. Eliot's confident coming out as a young man contrasts with Owen's belated and painful realization of his homosexuality in middle age. Rose also rediscovers her individual identity outside her marriage and her role as a wife and mother. The characters grapple with who they are versus who they are perceived to be, and the courage it takes to align one's outer life with one's inner truth, even if it means dismantling established structures.
“He had imagined that to be himself, truly himself, would mean destruction. Instead, it was simply... beginning.”
The novel examines the complexities of love, the evolution of marriage, and the changing dynamics of a family. Owen and Rose's marriage, built on comfort and routine, lacks true intimacy due to Owen's secret. Eliot's open and loving relationship with Paul offers a contemporary perspective on gay love, contrasting with Owen's historical repression. The family, initially defined by traditional roles, must redefine itself after the revelations. The narrative explores how love can endure, albeit in altered forms, and how family structures can adapt to profound personal truths, even through pain and separation.
“Love, he thought, was not a fixed thing, but something that shifted, changed, and sometimes, painfully, broke apart to be reformed.”
A significant theme is the contrast between generations in their approach to homosexuality and societal acceptance. Eliot's generation, while still facing challenges, has a greater capacity for openness and self-acceptance. His journey is relatively direct compared to Owen's, who grew up in a more repressive era where such identities were often hidden or denied. The novel highlights the progress made in LGBTQ+ rights and visibility, while also acknowledging the lingering impact of past societal norms on individuals like Owen. It shows the generational burden of silence and the liberation that comes with societal evolution, even if that liberation comes late for some.
“Eliot's world, Owen realized, was not his own. His son had a language for what Owen had only ever felt as a shameful, nameless ache.”
Eliot's coming out mirrors and catalyzes Owen's own.
The novel uses the parallel journeys of Owen and Eliot to highlight generational differences and the universal struggle for identity. Eliot's confident and open coming out as a young man directly contrasts with Owen's decades-long repression and his eventual, painful self-discovery in middle age. Eliot's courage acts as a catalyst for Owen, forcing him to confront his own hidden desires. This device allows the author to explore the theme of identity across different life stages and societal contexts, demonstrating how one person's truth can illuminate another's, even across generations.
The family apartment symbolizes the crumbling foundation of their lives.
The Upper West Side apartment serves as a powerful symbol throughout the novel. Initially, it represents the stability, routine, and comfort of Owen and Rose's marriage and family life. The news of the co-op conversion and the threat of eviction directly parallels the internal crumbling of their relationships and individual identities. The potential loss of their physical home reflects the emotional displacement and uncertainty they experience. Ultimately, the apartment's fate, and their decisions regarding it, symbolize their ability (or inability) to find new foundations and definitions of 'home' for their altered lives.
A recurring motif representing Owen's repressed desires and secret life.
Owen's furtive visits to gay porn theaters are a recurring motif that vividly illustrates his repressed homosexuality and the secrecy that defines his life. These visits are initially portrayed as anonymous, shame-filled outlets for desires he cannot acknowledge. As the novel progresses, and Owen begins to confront his identity, these visits evolve. They become less about mere release and more about a tentative exploration of a world he has denied himself, a yearning for connection, however fleeting. This device effectively communicates the psychological toll of repression and Owen's slow, painful awakening to his true self.
Rose's hobby, symbolizing her desire for order and her process of understanding.
Rose's passion for crosswords is a subtle but effective plot device. Crosswords represent her desire for order, logic, and finding solutions to complex puzzles. Initially, they provide her with an escape from the unspoken tensions in her marriage. As her family life unravels, her engagement with crosswords can be seen as a metaphor for her attempts to piece together the shattered narrative of her life and understand the 'clues' Owen and Eliot present. It symbolizes her intellectual approach to emotional chaos, her methodical attempt to make sense of the incomprehensible and find meaning in a world turned upside down.
“It was difficult to explain to his mother why he wanted to live in New York, more difficult still to explain that he was gay. What was easiest to explain was that he wanted to be an actor.”
— Owen's early struggles with coming out to his mother and pursuing his dreams.
“Every time he imagined telling his father, he saw his father's face crumple, like a piece of paper being wadded up and thrown away. He couldn't bear to be the cause of that.”
— Owen's fear and apprehension about revealing his sexuality to his father.
“He thought of the cranes, of their elaborate, beautiful dances, their calls that no human ear could truly understand. A lost language, he thought, like so many others.”
— Owen reflects on the novel's central metaphor of the lost language of cranes, symbolizing unspoken truths and connections.
“For years he had imagined his life as a steady, upward progression, a series of doors opening onto ever brighter rooms. Now he felt as if he were walking backward, or standing still.”
— Owen's disillusionment as he navigates his personal life and career.
“He understood then that love was not always a grand, sweeping gesture. Sometimes it was just sitting quietly with someone, sharing a meal, a silence, a moment of peace.”
— Owen's evolving understanding of love and intimacy.
“His mother's silence, he realized, was not disapproval, but a form of love, a way of giving him space to be himself, even if she didn't fully understand it.”
— Owen's realization about his mother's reaction to his sexuality.
“The city was a constant reminder of what he had, and what he still yearned for. A place of endless possibilities, and endless loneliness.”
— Owen's complex relationship with New York City.
“He had always believed that truth would set him free. Now he wondered if some truths were better left unspoken, at least until the right time.”
— Owen's contemplation on the timing and impact of revealing truths.
“What did it mean to be a man, if not to love another man? He struggled with the definitions, the expectations, the quiet internal battles.”
— Owen's internal conflict and questioning of masculinity in the context of his sexuality.
“He wanted a life that was real, not a performance. A life where he could be himself, fully and without apology.”
— Owen's desire for authenticity in his life and relationships.
“The quiet desperation of people trying to connect, to be seen, to be understood. It was everywhere, if you only knew how to look.”
— Owen's observation of the universal human need for connection.
“He realized that his father’s silence was not a void, but a language in itself, one he was only just beginning to learn to decipher.”
— Owen's deeper understanding of his father's unspoken communication.
“Love, he discovered, was a constant act of translation, of trying to understand the foreign language of another person’s heart.”
— Owen's mature reflection on the nature of love and understanding.
“He found comfort in the idea that some things were meant to be lost, only to be found again, perhaps in a different form, a different light.”
— Owen's philosophical acceptance of loss and the potential for new beginnings.
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David Leavitt is an American novelist, short story writer, and biographer.
