“I’m not a bad person. I’m a good person who’s had some bad things happen to her. And I’ve made some bad choices. But I’m not a bad person.”
— Wendy defends herself to Judd after her affair is revealed.
Archivist's Choice
This is Where I Leave You
Jonathan Tropper (2003)
Genre
Literary Fiction
Reading Time
6-7 hours
Key Themes
See below
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When a man whose life has just imploded is forced to spend a week of Shiva with his wildly dysfunctional family, he must navigate old feuds, new secrets, and the bombshell news of his estranged wife's pregnancy.
Synopsis
Judd Foxman's life falls apart when his father dies. He learns his wife, Jen, is having an affair with his boss and is pregnant with his child. His father's dying wish forces the entire Foxman family—Judd, his three siblings, and their overbearing mother—to reunite for a seven-day period of mourning. Stuck in their childhood home, old resentments resurface, and long-held secrets come out. Each sibling deals with personal crises. Judd navigates his failing marriage, his sister Wendy's unhappy home life, his brother Paul's unfulfilled ambitions and fertility struggles, and his brother Phillip's impulsive engagement to an older woman. As the week goes on, the family faces their failures and collective problems, eventually finding a fragile path toward understanding and acceptance amidst the chaos.
Reading time
6-7 hours
Difficulty
Easy
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Humorous, Emotional, Reflective, Witty, Bittersweet
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy humorous, character-driven family dramas with a blend of wit and emotional depth, exploring themes of grief, infidelity, and sibling dynamics.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer fast-paced thrillers or stories without significant family dysfunction and adult themes.
Plot Summary
The Funeral and the Unveiling of the Will
Judd Foxman, still reeling from discovering his wife Jen's affair with his boss Wade, learns his father Mort has died. He returns to his childhood home in Elmsville, New York, for the funeral. There, he's immediately back in the chaotic dynamics of his family: his overbearing mother Hillary, his older, successful brother Paul, his younger, wild brother Phillip, and his sarcastic sister Wendy. During the shiva, Rabbi Grodner reveals Mort's dying wish: for the entire family to sit shiva together for seven days, confined to the family home. This order is met with immediate resistance and arguments, especially from Judd, who is struggling to process his father's death, his failing marriage, and the news Jen dropped just before the funeral—that she is pregnant.
Confined Chaos and Old Flames
Confined to the house, the Foxman siblings quickly fall back into their adolescent roles. Paul, the responsible eldest, argues with Phillip, the irresponsible youngest who brings his much older, wealthy girlfriend Tracy to shiva. Wendy, the middle child, feels trapped in her marriage to Barry and finds herself drawn back to her high school sweetheart, Horry Callen, who lives next door and suffered a traumatic brain injury years ago. Judd, meanwhile, deals with Jen's pregnancy news and his family's constant judgment and advice. He also finds an unexpected connection with Penny Moore, a childhood friend and former crush who has returned to Elmsville after a divorce.
Phillip's Engagement and Family Intervention
Phillip, always unpredictable, announces his engagement to Tracy, much to the family's dismay. Hillary and Paul are especially critical, seeing Tracy as a gold-digger and Phillip's decision as another immature stunt. A tense family meeting follows, where years of resentment and unaddressed issues boil over. Phillip defends Tracy and accuses his siblings of never accepting him. This confrontation shows the deep-seated problems and lack of real communication within the Foxman family, with Judd observing the chaos from a detached, yet deeply affected, perspective.
Wendy's Marital Woes and Horry
Wendy's unhappiness in her marriage to Barry becomes clearer. She feels unappreciated and stifled by his predictable, demanding nature. Her interactions with Horry Callen, her kind former boyfriend, intensify. Despite Horry's brain injury, his genuine affection and understanding offer Wendy a strong contrast to her current relationship. She spends more and more time with him, sharing intimate conversations and finding comfort in his presence. Her brothers, especially Judd, notice this and see her struggling with a similar sense of disillusionment about her life choices.
Judd's Crossroads with Jen and Penny
Judd is tormented by Jen's pregnancy. He still loves her, but the betrayal makes reconciliation seem impossible, especially with the child's paternity uncertain. Jen tries to speak with him, expressing remorse and her desire to fix their marriage, but Judd remains guarded. At the same time, his connection with Penny Moore deepens. They have honest conversations about their pasts and current disappointments. Penny represents a possible new beginning, a chance for Judd to move on from the pain of Jen's infidelity, but the unresolved issues with his wife and the impending baby weigh heavily on him.
Paul's Unfulfilled Dreams and Fertility Struggles
Paul, who has always been seen as the most stable and successful Foxman, shows cracks in his facade. He desperately wants to take over the family sporting goods store, but Hillary refuses, still holding onto Mort's legacy. More painfully, Paul and his wife Alice have been struggling with infertility, undergoing difficult IVF treatments. This struggle puts immense pressure on their marriage and makes Phillip's casual engagement and potential fatherhood particularly upsetting to Paul, highlighting his own unfulfilled desires for a family and a sense of purpose beyond his current role.
Hillary's Secret Life and the Shiva's Purpose
As the shiva progresses, Hillary's eccentricities take on new meaning. She reveals she had a breast augmentation, a secret she kept for years, and also shares details about her and Mort's marriage, which was far from perfect. She implies that Mort's dying wish for the seven-day shiva wasn't just about mourning him, but about forcing his children to finally confront their issues and reconnect. Her honesty, though still dramatic, helps the siblings understand their parents—and themselves—a little better, softening some of their long-held resentments.
The Confrontation and Reconciliation
The simmering tensions among the siblings finally erupt in a series of confrontations. Phillip confronts Paul about his condescension, and Wendy expresses her frustration with being the overlooked middle child. Judd, initially a passive observer, is drawn into the conflict, forced to articulate his own pain and disillusionment. These arguments, though messy and painful, offer a release. They don't resolve everything, but they break down some of the walls that have existed between them for years, allowing for a fragile sense of understanding and a glimmer of hope for future connection, even if their problems remain.
The End of Shiva and New Beginnings
On the final day of shiva, the family gathers for a last meal. Though not everything is resolved, the atmosphere has changed. Judd makes a difficult decision about Jen and the baby, choosing to support Jen and the child regardless of paternity, recognizing his own desire for fatherhood. Wendy decides to confront Barry about her unhappiness and explores her feelings for Horry. Paul and Alice find new hope regarding their fertility struggles and a clearer path for Paul's future with the store. Phillip and Tracy's relationship seems to solidify, now with a family blessing, however reluctant.
Moving Forward, Together and Apart
As the seven days conclude, the Foxman siblings prepare to leave their childhood home, changed people. Judd, while still heartbroken over Jen, has found a new sense of purpose and a potential path forward with Penny. Wendy, empowered, is ready to make difficult choices about her marriage. Paul has a renewed sense of commitment to his family and his future. Phillip, for once, seems to be making a genuine effort toward maturity. The shiva, intended by Mort to bring them together, has indeed forced them to confront their pasts, their present, and their individual paths forward, forever altering their relationships with each other and themselves.
Principal Figures
Judd Foxman
The Protagonist
Judd moves from a state of emotional paralysis and cynicism to a place of acceptance, choosing to embrace his future as a father and opening himself up to new relationships.
Hillary Foxman
The Matriarch
Hillary sheds some of her carefully constructed facade, revealing vulnerabilities and a deeper understanding of her children and her late husband's intentions.
Wendy Foxman
The Supporting
Wendy gains the courage to confront her marital unhappiness and consider pursuing a path that genuinely fulfills her.
Paul Foxman
The Supporting
Paul confronts his desire for control and family, finding a renewed sense of purpose and hope for his future with Alice.
Phillip Foxman
The Supporting
Phillip, for the first time, begins to consider the implications of his actions and the possibility of genuine commitment.
Jen Foxman
The Supporting
Jen seeks reconciliation and understanding from Judd, ultimately facing the reality of their broken marriage but holding onto hope for their child.
Penny Moore
The Supporting
Penny offers Judd a path toward healing and a new relationship, becoming a source of comfort and potential happiness.
Horry Callen
The Supporting
Horry provides a catalyst for Wendy to re-evaluate her life choices and understand her own desires for love and connection.
Themes & Insights
The Enduring Dysfunction of Family
The novel explores how family dynamics, even in adulthood, revert to ingrained patterns of conflict, rivalry, and codependency. The forced proximity of shiva removes polite facades, revealing generations of unresolved issues, resentments, and unmet expectations among the Foxman siblings and their mother. Despite constant arguments and emotional wounds, an undeniable bond and a reluctant, yet persistent, love ties them together, showing that family, for better or worse, is inescapable. This is clear in scenes like the chaotic family meeting where Phillip's engagement is discussed, and the siblings' constant sniping and unsolicited advice.
“You can't go home again, but you can always go home to the same old arguments.”
Grief and Loss in Adulthood
Mort Foxman's death starts the entire story, but the novel looks at the complex nature of adult grief. It is not just about mourning the deceased, but also about facing one's own mortality, reflecting on life choices, and the deep impact a parent's death has on adult children. Each Foxman sibling processes Mort's death differently, often overshadowed by their personal crises, yet his absence forces them to re-evaluate their lives and relationships. Judd's grief over his father intertwines with his grief over his marriage, showing how loss can trigger other unresolved feelings.
“It's funny how a death can make you feel so alive, so aware of everything you've lost and everything you still have to lose.”
The Search for Identity and Purpose
Each Foxman sibling is at a turning point, questioning their life choices, relationships, and professional paths. Judd is reeling from a shattered marriage and career; Wendy feels trapped in her marriage; Paul is frustrated by his mother's control and his infertility; and Phillip struggles to find real direction. The shiva acts as a test, forcing them to confront who they are and who they want to be. Their individual journeys reflect a universal struggle to define oneself outside of family expectations and past failures. This is especially clear in Wendy's thoughts about Horry and Judd's eventual decision regarding Jen and Penny.
“I was looking for a sign, a reason to believe that my life hadn't just become a permanent holding pattern.”
Love, Betrayal, and Forgiveness
Central to Judd's storyline, and echoed in other characters' experiences, is the intricate dance of love, betrayal, and the difficult path to forgiveness. Judd grapples with Jen's infidelity, the pain of which is made worse by her pregnancy. The novel explores how hard it is to forgive someone who has deeply wounded you, even when love still exists. It also examines how betrayal within a marriage can force a re-evaluation of the entire relationship, and whether forgiveness is even possible or desired. This theme extends to the siblings' betrayals of each other, both clear and subtle, over the years, and their slow, tentative steps toward understanding.
“How do you forgive someone you still love, when the thing they did feels unforgivable?”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
The Seven-Day Shiva
A mandated period of mourning that forces the dysfunctional family into close quarters.
Mort Foxman's dying wish for his family to sit shiva for seven days, confined to the family home, serves as the central plot device. This traditional Jewish mourning period is subverted by Mort's specific, binding instruction, creating an artificial, high-pressure environment. It strips the siblings of their usual escape mechanisms and forces them to confront each other, their pasts, and their individual crises. The duration allows for a slow burn of escalating tension and gradual revelation, making character development and relationship shifts feel earned rather than rushed.
The Patriarch's Final Wish
Mort's post-mortem directive that acts as a catalyst for the plot and character development.
Mort Foxman's final wish, delivered through Rabbi Grodner, is more than just a plot starter; it's a posthumous intervention. By forcing his children into this extended, inescapable proximity, Mort orchestrates a scenario where they are compelled to address their deep-seated issues. His 'ghost' lingers, not just in their grief, but in the very structure of their confinement. This device highlights his understanding of his children's dysfunction and his ultimate desire for them to reconnect and heal, even if his methods are unconventional and initially resented.
The Unreliable Narrator (Judd's Perspective)
The story is filtered through Judd's cynical and emotionally wounded viewpoint.
The novel is told primarily through Judd Foxman's first-person perspective, making him an inherently unreliable narrator, particularly concerning his own emotional state and his family's motivations. His cynicism, sarcasm, and profound heartbreak color his observations and interactions. While this provides a deeply personal and often humorous insight into his struggles, it also means the reader sees the other characters, especially Jen, through his pain-tinted lens. This device allows for moments of unexpected empathy and self-awareness from Judd as he slowly sheds his protective shell.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
“Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.”
— A common saying, but particularly poignant given Judd's life unraveling.
“We’re all just a bunch of broken toys, aren’t we? And we keep trying to fix each other, but we can’t. We just break each other more.”
— Paul reflects on the family's dysfunction.
“There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, so just give me a happy middle. And a very happy start.”
— Judd's cynical outlook on life and relationships.
“You can’t go home again, but you can always go to your parents’ house.”
— Judd's ironic observation about returning to his childhood home.
“Grief is a tricky thing. It can make you do things you never thought you’d do. And it can make you say things you never thought you’d say.”
— Judd reflecting on the family's behavior during Shiva.
“The problem with being an adult is that you're supposed to know what you're doing.”
— Judd's internal monologue about the pressures of adulthood.
“Sometimes the only way to move forward is to let go of the things that are holding you back, even if those things are people you love.”
— Judd comes to terms with his past relationships.
“Family. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t kill ‘em.”
— A humorous, exasperated thought by one of the siblings about their family.
“Being a parent means you spend the rest of your life worrying about someone else.”
— Hillary, the mother, shares her perspective on parenthood.
“The past is never really dead. It's not even past.”
— A reference to Faulkner, underscoring how the family's history impacts the present.
“We all have our secrets. And sometimes, those secrets are the only things that keep us sane.”
— Judd considers the hidden lives of his siblings.
“Love is messy. It’s complicated. And sometimes, it’s just plain stupid.”
— Judd's cynical but ultimately hopeful view on love.
“You don't get over grief, you just get used to it.”
— Hillary's pragmatic advice to her children about coping with loss.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
The Foxman family is brought together by the death of their patriarch, Mort Foxman. His dying wish was for his entire family—his wife Hillary, and four adult children, Judd, Paul, Phillip, and Wendy—to sit shiva together for seven days in their childhood home, despite their various personal crises and long-standing dysfunctions.
About the author
Biography coming soon.
