“Sometimes you just have to dive in and hope for the best.”
— Lexie's internal thought about taking risks, particularly with her swimming.

Jenn Bishop (2016)
Genre
Children's / Young Adult
Reading Time
240 min
Key Themes
See below
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After her sister's death, a former star pitcher finds her way back to baseball and healing through a minor-league team her family hosts.
The summer begins with Quinnen and her family in mourning. Her older sister, Haley, died last summer, leaving Quinnen traumatized and unwilling to play baseball, a sport she once loved as a pitcher for the Panthers. Her parents, equally consumed by grief, try to navigate their new reality. The annual tradition of hosting a minor league baseball player from the local team, the Bandits, continues. This year, their guest is a quiet pitcher named Joey. Quinnen feels an emptiness, especially when she visits the baseball field where she and Haley shared so many memories, and struggles to connect with her parents or former teammates.
Joey, a young, reserved pitcher for the Bandits, arrives at Quinnen's home. Quinnen, still reeling from Haley's death, is distant and unwelcoming towards him, seeing his presence as another painful reminder of how much things have changed. Haley had always been excited about hosting the players, and her absence makes the tradition feel hollow. Joey, sensing Quinnen's grief, gives her space. Her parents encourage her to interact with him, hoping it might bring some normalcy back, but Quinnen finds it difficult to engage, preferring to retreat into her own world of sorrow and memories of Haley.
Despite her initial resistance, Quinnen gradually starts to interact with Joey. She observes his routines and his dedication to baseball. One afternoon, she finds herself watching him practice his pitching in the backyard. She offers a small, unsolicited piece of advice, surprising herself as much as Joey. This small interaction marks a turning point, as Joey, recognizing her innate understanding of the game, begins to see her not just as a grieving girl, but as someone with a deep connection to baseball. This shared passion starts to bridge the gap between them, offering Quinnen a tentative connection outside her grief.
While helping Quinnen's mom clean out some of Haley's belongings, Joey discovers Haley's baseball card collection. He is impressed by its scope and Haley's knowledge of the sport, evident in her notes. Quinnen, though hesitant to revisit her sister's things, finds comfort in seeing Joey appreciate something Haley loved so much. They begin to discuss the cards, with Joey sharing anecdotes about some of the players, and Quinnen sharing memories of Haley's passion for collecting. This shared activity becomes a safe way for Quinnen to talk about Haley without directly confronting her grief, allowing Joey to learn more about the sister she misses so deeply.
Encouraged by her parents and Joey, Quinnen reluctantly agrees to attend a Bandits game. Walking into the ballpark brings back a flood of memories of attending games with Haley. Despite the initial sadness, the atmosphere, the crack of the bat, and the crowd begin to chip away at her emotional wall. She watches Joey pitch, observing his technique and focus. The game stirs something within her, an echo of her own love for baseball. It is a difficult experience, but also one that plants a seed of possibility for her own return to the sport.
One afternoon, feeling a pull she cannot explain, Quinnen bikes to the old baseball field where she and Haley spent countless hours practicing. The overgrown grass and silent stands contrast with the memories she holds. She remembers Haley cheering her on, giving her advice, and celebrating their victories. The visit is bittersweet, filled with both sadness and a nostalgic warmth. It is a private moment of remembrance and a significant step towards acknowledging her grief head-on, rather than avoiding the places and activities she shared with her sister.
After her visit to the old field and continued conversations with Joey about baseball, Quinnen finds herself drawn back to the physical act of pitching. One afternoon, Joey gently coaxes her into throwing a ball with him in the backyard. Hesitantly at first, Quinnen winds up and throws. The familiar feel of the ball in her hand, the motion of her arm, and the satisfying thwack as it hits Joey's mitt awaken a long-dormant part of her. It is not the same without Haley, but Joey's quiet encouragement and understanding create a safe space for her to reconnect with her passion, even if it is just a small step.
While looking through some of Haley's belongings, Quinnen finds her sister's old baseball glove. Inside, she discovers a hidden, folded note. The note, written by Haley, expresses her pride in Quinnen's pitching and encourages her to always keep playing. This discovery is emotional for Quinnen. It is a direct message from Haley, affirming her talent and giving her a sense of permission to move forward with baseball. The note reinforces the idea that Haley would want Quinnen to continue pursuing her passion, rather than abandoning it out of grief.
Inspired by Haley's note and her renewed connection to baseball through Joey, Quinnen begins to contemplate rejoining her old team, the Panthers. The thought is daunting, as it means facing her teammates and the memories of last summer's championship run with Haley by her side. She discusses it with her parents, who are cautiously optimistic and supportive. The decision is a big one, representing a significant step in her healing process and a commitment to honoring Haley's memory by continuing to do what they both loved.
Quinnen ultimately decides to rejoin the Panthers for their championship game. Stepping onto the mound is a monumental challenge, filled with anxiety and the heavy weight of Haley's absence. However, as she pitches, she feels a newfound strength and a sense of Haley's presence not as a ghost of grief, but as a supportive force. With Joey and her parents cheering from the stands, Quinnen pitches with skill and determination, finding a sense of peace and a way to channel her emotions into the game. She realizes that playing baseball is not forgetting Haley, but rather celebrating her and keeping their shared love alive.
The Protagonist
Quinnen transitions from deep grief and avoidance to acceptance and a renewed passion for baseball, finding a way to carry Haley's memory with her rather than being paralyzed by it.
The Supporting/Mentioned
Though not present, Haley's character arc is revealed through Quinnen's memories, showing her as a loving sister whose spirit continues to inspire and guide Quinnen.
The Supporting
Joey starts as an outsider and becomes a trusted mentor and friend to Quinnen, helping her navigate her grief and return to the game.
The Supporting
She slowly finds ways to cope with her own grief and effectively support Quinnen's journey back to baseball and emotional health.
The Supporting
He finds a way to process his grief and support Quinnen's return to baseball, recognizing it as a way to honor Haley.
The central theme of the novel is Quinnen's journey through grief after the death of her sister, Haley, and her gradual path towards healing. The story explores the different stages of grief, from initial denial and withdrawal (Quinnen refusing to play baseball, avoiding memories) to eventual acceptance and remembrance. Haley's absence creates a 'Haley-sized hole' in Quinnen's world, affecting her relationships and passions. The healing process is not linear, but is shown through small steps like Quinnen's hesitant interactions with Joey, her visits to old baseball fields, and ultimately, her return to the pitcher's mound, which symbolizes her ability to find joy and purpose again while still honoring Haley's memory.
“It was like a Haley-sized hole had been carved out of the world, and there was nothing that could fill it.”
Baseball is a powerful metaphor and a therapeutic tool for Quinnen's healing. Initially, the sport is a painful reminder of Haley's absence, causing Quinnen to abandon it entirely. However, through her interactions with Joey and her own innate connection to the game, baseball gradually becomes a way for her to process her emotions, reconnect with her past, and find a path forward. The physical act of pitching, the camaraderie of a team, and the shared passion for the game provide an outlet for her grief and a way to feel connected to Haley's spirit. Her return to the mound is a symbolic act of reclaiming her identity and finding strength amidst her sorrow.
“Sometimes, the best way to remember someone is to do the things you loved doing with them.”
The strong bond between Quinnen and Haley is a foundational theme. Even in death, Haley's presence is strongly felt through Quinnen's memories, their shared love for baseball, and the lasting impact she had on Quinnen's life. The story emphasizes how memories, even painful ones, are important for keeping loved ones alive in spirit. Haley's encouragement, her baseball card collection, and a hidden note she left behind all serve as tangible connections that help Quinnen navigate her grief. The theme explores how love transcends loss, and how the influence of a cherished relationship can continue to shape and guide an individual long after separation.
“Haley had always been my biggest fan. How could I play without her?”
Beyond her immediate family, Quinnen finds unexpected support and connection in Joey, the minor league player. This theme highlights the importance of new relationships and how others can help in times of crisis, even if they are initially strangers. Joey's quiet understanding, shared love for baseball, and gentle encouragement provide a safe space for Quinnen to open up and gradually re-engage with the world. His presence shows that healing often involves accepting help and forming new bonds, which do not diminish the love for those who are lost but rather expand the circle of support. Her parents' efforts to connect, despite their own grief, also underscore this theme.
“He didn't try to make me feel better, just... understood.”
A recurring setting symbolizing both grief and healing.
The baseball field serves as a powerful symbolic setting throughout the novel. Initially, it represents Quinnen's pain and her avoidance of her past, as it is where she shared countless memories with Haley. Its deserted state reflects her emotional emptiness. As the story progresses, revisiting the field, and eventually returning to play on it, signifies her gradual healing and acceptance. It transforms from a place of sorrow into a space of remembrance, strength, and renewed purpose, representing her ability to reclaim her love for the game and honor Haley's memory.
A tangible link to Haley and a catalyst for connection.
Haley's meticulously organized baseball card collection acts as a tangible link to her memory and personality. Its discovery by Joey provides a natural, low-pressure way for him and Quinnen to connect over a shared interest. Discussing the cards allows Quinnen to talk about Haley indirectly, easing her into sharing memories and processing her grief. The collection symbolizes Haley's passion and serves as a quiet reminder of her enduring presence, helping Quinnen and Joey find common ground and build a relationship rooted in their shared love for baseball.
A message from the past that provides closure and encouragement.
The hidden note from Haley, discovered inside her old baseball glove, functions as a powerful plot device for emotional resolution. It's a direct message from Haley to Quinnen, filled with love and encouragement to continue playing baseball. This discovery provides Quinnen with a crucial sense of permission and validation, assuring her that Haley would want her to move forward and pursue her passion. It helps Quinnen overcome her guilt about playing without Haley and empowers her to rejoin her team, acting as a final, profound push towards healing and acceptance.
“Sometimes you just have to dive in and hope for the best.”
— Lexie's internal thought about taking risks, particularly with her swimming.
“Grief wasn't something you got over. It was something you learned to live with, like a new part of yourself.”
— Lexie reflecting on the permanence of loss after her brother's death.
“The hardest part about losing someone isn't the big things, it's the little things. The way they laughed, the way they hummed a song, the way they always knew what to say.”
— Lexie thinking about the mundane details she misses about her brother.
“You can't outrun your feelings, Lexie. They always catch up to you eventually.”
— Aunt Carol giving advice to Lexie about processing her emotions.
“Home wasn't a place, it was a feeling. And sometimes, that feeling was hard to find.”
— Lexie struggling with her sense of belonging after moving.
“Sometimes the people who are hurting the most are the ones who try to help others.”
— Lexie observing how other characters cope with their own pain.
“It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to cry. It's okay to miss him.”
— A comforting statement made to Lexie about her grief.
“The pool was the only place where she felt truly free, truly herself.”
— Lexie's connection to swimming as an escape and a source of identity.
“Friendship isn't about being perfect, it's about being there for each other, even when things are messy.”
— Lexie realizing the true nature of friendship with her new friends.
“Even when you think you're alone, there are people who care about you.”
— Lexie's growing understanding of the support system around her.
“Every stroke she took was a memory, a prayer, a silent conversation with the brother she'd lost.”
— Lexie's personal connection to swimming as a way to remember her brother.
“Forgiveness isn't for the other person; it's for you.”
— A piece of wisdom Lexie receives about letting go of anger and blame.
“Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help.”
— Lexie learning the importance of reaching out when she's struggling.
“The past doesn't define you, but it can shape you.”
— Lexie contemplating how her past experiences have influenced who she is.
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