“I'm not gay. I'm just… Sam.”
— Rafe's internal struggle with labels early in the book.
Archivist's Choice
Openly Straight
Bill Konigsberg (2013)
Genre
Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
320 min
Key Themes
See below
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After years of being 'that gay guy,' Rafe transfers to an all-boys' boarding school hoping for a fresh start, only to find himself falling for a boy who doesn't even know love is possible, forcing him to redefine what it means to be openly himself.
Synopsis
Rafe Goldberg, an openly gay teen from Boulder, Colorado, is tired of his identity being defined by his sexuality. He wants a fresh start where he can just be 'Rafe,' so he transfers to Natick, an all-boys boarding school in New England, and decides to keep his gay identity a secret. He quickly makes new friends and is drawn to Ben, a quiet classmate. As their connection grows, Rafe kisses Ben, which upsets his new identity. Rafe deals with his secret, seeking advice and struggling with guilt because Ben doesn't know Rafe's past. Eventually, Rafe tells Ben the truth, leading to Ben's own struggle with his identity and feelings. The tension peaks at the school dance where Rafe publicly reveals his full identity. The story ends with Rafe embracing authenticity and Ben beginning to accept his own sexuality, offering a hopeful future for both.
Reading time
320 min
Difficulty
Easy
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Heartwarming, Reflective, Hopeful, Romantic
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy heartfelt coming-of-age stories about identity, first love, and the complexities of being true to yourself.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer plots with high stakes action or without a strong focus on internal character development and emotional journeys.
Plot Summary
A New Beginning at Natick
Rafe Goldberg, a seventeen-year-old from Boulder, Colorado, transfers from his public high school to Natick School, an all-boys boarding school in Massachusetts. Back home, Rafe is openly gay and an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, but he feels defined only by his sexuality. He wants to be seen as a 'normal' guy, not 'that gay guy.' At Natick, Rafe decides not to tell anyone he is gay, wanting a clean slate. He quickly befriends Alistair and Ryan, two outgoing and somewhat mischievous classmates. He also meets Ben, a quiet boy in his English class, with whom he feels an immediate connection. Rafe carefully talks to people, avoiding any mention of past boyfriends or his activism, enjoying being an anonymous new kid.
Forming New Bonds and First Impressions
Rafe settles into the routines of Natick, sharing a room with Alistair and Ryan, who are more interested in girls. He joins the cross-country team, finding comfort in running. In English class, his teacher, Mr. Kermit, challenges Rafe to write honestly, which is hard given his secret. He finds himself more and more drawn to Ben, a fellow cross-country runner and classmate. Their talks are brief but intense, and Rafe often sees Ben watching him. Rafe also sees Ben having a panic attack in the dining hall, which makes him more curious about Ben's private nature. He starts to feel the burden of his secret, especially when his new friends talk about girls or make casual homophobic remarks, forcing him to pretend to agree or stay quiet.
A Developing Connection with Ben
Rafe and Ben start spending more time together, first through cross-country practice and then in study sessions. Rafe learns that Ben is very smart but struggles with social anxiety and a difficult family. Ben tells Rafe about his fear of failure and his pressure to succeed, especially in school. Their conversations become deeper, moving past casual topics. Rafe feels a strong attraction to Ben, and he senses a similar feeling from Ben, though Ben is clearly uncomfortable with physical touch and showing emotion. Rafe's desire to be honest with Ben conflicts with his commitment to his 'straight' image, causing much inner turmoil. He constantly looks for signs of mutual attraction or dislike of homosexuality in Ben's words and actions.
The First Kiss and Growing Confusion
One evening, after an intense talk about fears and dreams, Rafe and Ben share a powerful, unplanned kiss. Rafe is happy, believing this is the moment he can finally be himself with Ben. However, Ben immediately pulls away, visibly shaken and confused. He apologizes, saying he is distressed and doesn't understand what happened. Ben then avoids Rafe for several days, leaving Rafe sad and confused. Rafe tries to understand Ben's reaction, wondering if Ben is struggling with his own sexuality, or if the kiss was a mistake. Rafe tells his new friends, Alistair and Ryan, about his romantic problems, carefully leaving out that Ben is a boy, further solidifying his 'straight' image.
Seeking Answers and Advice
Wanting advice, Rafe talks to Mr. Kermit, his English teacher. Without telling him Ben's identity or the full nature of their relationship, Rafe discusses the pain of unrequited love and self-discovery. Mr. Kermit encourages Rafe to be true to himself and to communicate openly, stressing the importance of honesty in relationships. Rafe also calls his best friend from Boulder, Claire, explaining the situation with Ben in more detail. Claire, who has always known Rafe as openly gay, is confused and somewhat hurt by Rafe's decision to hide his sexuality. She urges him to be honest, for his own good and for any potential relationship with Ben. Rafe feels torn between wanting acceptance and wanting an honest connection.
The Truth Revealed to Ben
After much thought, Rafe decides he can no longer live with the secret, especially given his feelings for Ben. He confronts Ben, admitting that he is gay and that he has strong feelings for him. Rafe explains why he came to Natick and why he tried to be 'openly straight,' describing his frustration with being labeled by his sexuality in Boulder. Ben is at first overwhelmed and confused by Rafe's confession. He says he has never thought of himself as gay and struggles to process what Rafe is telling him, as well as his own reactions to Rafe. The conversation is raw and emotional, with both boys dealing with identity, fear, and the unexpected nature of their connection.
Ben's Internal Struggle
After Rafe's confession, Ben withdraws. He avoids Rafe, skipping cross-country practices and becoming quieter in class. Rafe is heartbroken but understands that Ben needs space. Ben is visibly distressed, struggling with the implications of Rafe's revelation and his own complex feelings. He tells a trusted adult, Mr. Kermit, about his confusion, without explicitly naming Rafe or the exact problem. Ben's inner conflict is clear; he has always seen himself as straight and feels deep fear and uncertainty about what Rafe's feelings, and his own developing feelings, might mean for his identity and future. He starts to question everything he thought he knew about himself.
The School Dance and a Public Revelation
Natick holds a school dance, and Rafe attends with Alistair and Ryan. Ben is also there, watching Rafe from afar. During the dance, a misunderstanding or overheard comment leads to Rafe's sexuality being revealed to several other students. The news spreads quickly. While Alistair and Ryan are surprised, they show acceptance and support, though with some awkwardness. Other students react with curiosity, discomfort, and some subtle homophobic comments. Rafe feels exposed but also relieved that the secret is out. He notices Ben's reaction to the news, seeing a flicker of something in his eyes, but Ben remains distant.
A New Chapter for Rafe
With his sexuality now openly known, Rafe feels a major change. He no longer has to censor himself, and he can speak more freely with his friends and teachers. He continues to run cross-country, finding strength in his physical and emotional endurance. He reconnects with Claire, who says she is proud of his honesty. Rafe finds a new purpose in his writing, feeling able to express his true experiences. He realizes that while he wanted to be 'openly straight,' his time at Natick has taught him that being authentically himself, openly gay, is more important than fitting a preconceived idea of 'normal.' He feels a sense of peace and belonging, even with the ongoing uncertainty with Ben.
Ben's Breakthrough and a Hopeful Future
After a period of intense thought and continued avoidance, Ben approaches Rafe. He has thought a lot about his emerging feelings for Rafe and his identity. Ben admits that he is scared and confused, but he acknowledges his attraction to Rafe and his desire to explore their connection. He expresses regret for his initial reaction and his withdrawal. Their conversation is vulnerable and honest. While Ben is not ready to label himself or make big statements, he is open to exploring a relationship with Rafe. The book ends with Rafe and Ben taking steps towards a future together, embracing the uncertainty and hope of their unique bond.
Principal Figures
Rafe Goldberg
The Protagonist
Rafe begins by trying to hide a core part of himself to fit in, but ultimately learns that true belonging and love come from embracing and openly sharing his authentic identity.
Ben
The Love Interest
Ben starts as a closed-off, self-identified straight individual and slowly, painfully, confronts and accepts his emerging feelings for Rafe, beginning a journey of self-discovery regarding his own sexuality.
Alistair
The Supporting
Alistair starts as a somewhat superficial friend but proves to be loyal and accepting when Rafe's true identity is revealed.
Ryan
The Supporting
Ryan's character remains consistent as a supportive friend, offering acceptance when Rafe's secret is revealed.
Claire
The Supporting
Claire maintains her role as Rafe's steadfast and honest best friend, encouraging him to embrace his true self.
Mr. Kermit
The Supporting
Mr. Kermit remains a consistent source of wisdom and support, facilitating the characters' personal growth without directly intervening.
Themes & Insights
Identity vs. Perception
The novel explores the struggle of defining one's identity versus how others see one. Rafe, tired of being 'that gay guy,' tries to control his public identity at Natick by being 'openly straight.' This causes inner conflict and a realization that suppressing a core part of himself does not lead to true acceptance, but to a different kind of restriction. Ben's journey is similar as he deals with his attraction to Rafe, challenging his own view of himself as straight. Both characters learn that true identity must come from within, regardless of external labels or expectations.
“I wanted to be openly straight. I wanted to be a guy who just happened to be straight, not a straight guy. It was exhausting.”
The Nuances of Coming Out
While Rafe is already 'out' in his previous life, the story looks at 'coming out again' or defining what 'being out' truly means. For Rafe, it is not just about publicly stating his sexuality, but about integrating it into his whole self without it being his only defining trait. For Ben, it is the initial, frightening process of recognizing and accepting his own same-sex attraction, a journey made more complex by fear and societal expectations. The book shows that coming out is not a single event, but an ongoing process of self-acceptance and sharing one's truth, in different ways, with different people and in different situations.
“I’d been out since eighth grade. But I’d never really been out. Not like this.”
Authenticity vs. Conformity
Rafe's initial decision to be 'openly straight' is an attempt to fit a perceived norm and escape the label of his 'gay' identity. However, this conformity costs him his honesty, making him feel isolated and dishonest, especially in his growing relationship with Ben. The novel suggests that true connection and happiness come from being one's true self, even if it means challenging societal expectations or risking discomfort. Both Rafe and Ben learn that suppressing their true feelings and identities ultimately creates more pain than the potential judgment they fear.
“It’s not about who you pretend to be. It’s about who you are.”
Love and Vulnerability
The developing relationship between Rafe and Ben explores the connection between love and vulnerability. Rafe's willingness to be vulnerable by confessing his feelings and his true identity is a key moment. Ben, at first guarded and fearful, slowly learns to open himself up to his emotions and to Rafe. Their journey shows the courage needed to be vulnerable, to express true feelings, and to accept the uncertainty that comes with deep emotional connection. The story suggests that true love cannot grow without a willingness to show one's true self, fears and all.
“It was terrifying, laying myself bare like that. But it was also the only way to really connect.”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
First-Person Narrative
The story is told entirely from Rafe Goldberg's perspective.
This device allows readers intimate access to Rafe's internal thoughts, conflicts, and emotional journey. We experience his anxieties about hiding his sexuality, his longing for connection with Ben, and his reflections on identity. This perspective emphasizes his subjective experience of being 'openly straight' and the profound impact of his choices, making his internal conflict particularly vivid and relatable. It also creates suspense regarding Ben's feelings and thoughts, as they are only filtered through Rafe's observations and interpretations.
The Boarding School Setting
An isolated, all-boys environment that intensifies the characters' experiences.
Natick School, an all-boys boarding school, serves as a contained environment that amplifies the themes of identity and self-discovery. Its isolation from the outside world allows Rafe to attempt his 'openly straight' experiment without immediate scrutiny from his past. The all-male environment heightens the tension and intimacy of Rafe's attraction to Ben, as there are no female distractions. This setting also fosters intense bonds among the students, making the stakes of Rafe's secret and Ben's self-discovery feel more immediate and impactful within their small, self-contained world.
English Class and Writing Assignments
A recurring motif where characters are challenged to write about their true selves.
Mr. Kermit's English class, with its emphasis on authentic writing and self-expression, functions as a catalyst for both Rafe and Ben's personal growth. The assignments, which often require introspection and honesty, directly challenge Rafe's decision to hide his sexuality, forcing him to confront the discrepancy between his public persona and his inner truth. For Ben, these assignments encourage him to articulate his fears and anxieties, laying groundwork for his eventual emotional breakthrough. This device subtly pushes the characters towards the very authenticity they struggle to embrace.
Running (Cross-Country)
A physical activity that serves as a metaphor for escape, endurance, and self-reflection.
Cross-country running is a significant activity for both Rafe and Ben. For Rafe, it's a way to clear his head, find solace, and exert control in a situation where he feels emotionally constrained. It symbolizes his endurance in maintaining his secret and his journey towards self-acceptance. For Ben, running is a means of coping with stress and a space where he can be present without the pressure of social interaction. The shared activity also brings them physically closer, creating opportunities for connection and unspoken understanding, mirroring their emotional race towards truth.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
“Being openly straight is just as much a choice as being openly gay.”
— Rafe's initial, somewhat naive, declaration about his 'cause'.
“Because it’s not about being gay or straight or bi or trans or anything. It’s about being a person.”
— Rafe's evolving understanding of identity and humanity.
“Maybe the problem wasn't being gay, maybe the problem was being afraid of being gay.”
— Rafe reflecting on his past and his reasons for wanting to shed the 'gay' label.
“Sometimes the things you try to run away from are the things you need to run toward.”
— A realization Rafe has about facing his true self and feelings.
“Labels are for soup cans, not people.”
— Rafe's early, strong conviction about avoiding labels for himself.
“It’s not about being 'out.' It’s about being real.”
— Rafe discussing his journey and what 'openly straight' truly meant to him versus 'openly gay'.
“Love isn't a choice. It's an earthquake.”
— Rafe's internal reflection on his undeniable feelings for Ben.
“Maybe being brave isn't about not being afraid. Maybe it's about being afraid, and doing it anyway.”
— Rafe's thoughts on courage as he navigates his complicated feelings and relationships.
“The hardest part about lying isn't the lie itself, it's remembering all the other lies you told to support it.”
— Rafe's struggle with maintaining his facade and the weight of his secrets.
“You can't choose who you fall in love with. But you can choose to be honest about it.”
— Rafe's internal monologue as he grapples with his feelings for Ben and the truth.
“Sometimes the most important conversations are the ones you have with yourself.”
— Rafe reflecting on his internal struggles and self-discovery.
“Being yourself is the bravest thing you can do.”
— A general theme reinforced throughout Rafe's journey to self-acceptance.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
Rafe transfers to Natick because he feels his identity in Boulder has become solely defined by his sexuality as 'that GAY guy.' He desires a fresh start where he can be seen as a regular teenager, allowing his gay identity to be a part of him, but not the singular headline of his existence.
About the author
Bill Konigsberg is an award-winning author of young adult fiction. He is celebrated for his honest and humorous explorations of LGBTQ+ themes and identity. His notable works include 'Honestly Ben,' 'The Porcupine of Truth,' and 'Openly Straight,' the latter of which won the Stonewall Award.
