““I think about how sometimes, the people you're supposed to be with are right there beside you, and you don't even know it.””
— Zoe reflects on her relationships, particularly with Noah, and how she might have overlooked what was in front of her.
Archivist's Choice
Maybe One Day
Melissa Kantor (2014)
Genre
Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
7-8 hours
Key Themes
See below
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As her best friend battles a life-threatening illness, Zoe faces unspoken fears, shifting loyalties, and an unexpected romance with her friend's crush, all while hoping their future can still be salvaged.
Synopsis
Zoe and Olivia are best friends with their whole lives planned out, but their world shatters when Olivia is diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. They make a pact to face the illness together, with Zoe promising to stay strong for Olivia. As Olivia undergoes treatments, missing school and losing her hair, their friendship is tested. Zoe struggles to navigate her own fear and helplessness while trying to maintain a brave front. Calvin, a new student Olivia has a crush on, complicates matters when Zoe finds herself falling for him. They begin a secret relationship, adding guilt and betrayal to Zoe's complex emotions. When Olivia suffers a relapse, Zoe's world crumbles, and the secret of her relationship with Calvin is exposed, leading to a period of estrangement between the friends. As Olivia's health declines, Zoe faces immense guilt and despair. They eventually reconcile, sharing a final reunion before Olivia's passing. Zoe must then navigate the grief of losing her best friend, learning to cope with the void Olivia leaves behind and finding a way to embrace a new future.
Reading time
7-8 hours
Difficulty
Medium
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Heartbreaking, Emotional, Bittersweet, Hopeful
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy emotionally resonant YA contemporary novels about friendship, grief, and first love, with a focus on character development.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer lighthearted stories without themes of serious illness and loss, or find love triangles difficult to read.
Plot Summary
The Diagnosis and the Pact
Zoe and Olivia are best friends, navigating their sophomore year of high school with shared dreams of college, boys, and futures in New York City. Their bond is tested when Olivia starts experiencing fatigue and bruises. After many doctor visits, Olivia is diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL). The news shakes their world, especially Zoe's, who struggles to understand the situation. Despite the fear, Olivia bravely faces her diagnosis, and the two friends agree to get through this together, determined that Olivia will beat the cancer and their lives will return to normal. Zoe promises to be Olivia's support, even as chemotherapy and hospital stays approach.
Navigating Treatment and Shifting Friendships
Olivia begins chemotherapy, leading to hair loss, extreme fatigue, and a weakened immune system. This forces her to miss school and limits her social life. Zoe tries to visit Olivia in the hospital and at home, bringing schoolwork and gossip, but the hospital setting and Olivia's changing health make their time together difficult. Other friends, like Sarah, struggle to cope with Olivia's illness and slowly drift away, leaving Zoe feeling alone in her efforts to support Olivia. Zoe tries to act normal for Olivia's sake, even as she secretly deals with fear and sadness.
Calvin's Arrival and Complicated Feelings
Calvin, a new student, arrives at school. He is charming, artistic, and quickly catches Olivia's eye. Olivia, still undergoing treatment but returning to school sometimes, tells Zoe about her crush on Calvin. Zoe, always the supportive best friend, encourages Olivia and tries to help them interact. However, as Zoe spends more time with Calvin, initially to gather information for Olivia, she finds herself drawn to him. They share a love for art and have deep conversations. Zoe feels guilty about her developing feelings for Calvin, knowing he is Olivia's crush, and she struggles to balance her loyalty to Olivia with her own emotions.
The Secret Relationship
Despite her internal conflict, Zoe and Calvin's connection grows, leading to secret moments, phone calls, and eventually, a hidden relationship. Zoe feels immense guilt and shame, convinced she is betraying Olivia, especially given Olivia's fragile state. She tries to keep the relationship hidden from everyone, particularly Olivia, fearing the impact the truth would have. The secret weighs heavily on Zoe, making her interactions with Olivia strained and filled with unspoken worries. She finds herself constantly lying and making excuses, further isolating herself from her best friend.
Olivia's Relapse and Zoe's Despair
Just as Olivia seems to be getting better, she suffers a relapse. The news destroys the hope everyone had, especially Zoe. Olivia's condition worsens quickly, requiring more aggressive treatments and longer hospital stays. Zoe is overwhelmed by grief and despair, realizing that Olivia might not beat this. The relapse intensifies Zoe's guilt about her relationship with Calvin, making her feel even more like a terrible friend. She struggles to stay calm for Olivia, but inside, she is crumbling under the weight of fear and impending loss.
The Truth Revealed
The secret about Zoe and Calvin's relationship comes out. Olivia, weakened but still sharp, overhears a conversation or finds evidence, and confronts Zoe. The revelation devastates Olivia, who feels betrayed by her best friend, especially when she needs Zoe's support the most. The confrontation is raw and painful, filled with accusations and tears. Olivia expresses her hurt and anger, making Zoe feel the full weight of her betrayal. Their friendship, already strained by illness, breaks under the pressure of this discovery, leaving both girls heartbroken and alone.
A Period of Estrangement
After the confrontation, Olivia refuses to see or speak to Zoe. Zoe is left adrift, consumed by guilt and the absence of her best friend. She tries to reach out, but Olivia's anger and hurt are too deep. Zoe's relationship with Calvin, now exposed, becomes complicated by the fallout. While Calvin is supportive, Zoe finds little comfort, as her main concern remains Olivia. This period of estrangement is difficult for Zoe, who feels a deep sense of loss and regret, not only for the potential end of their friendship but also for the pain she caused Olivia during her most vulnerable time.
Olivia's Declining Health
Olivia's health continues to decline. The treatments are no longer effective, and her body is weakening. The doctors tell Olivia's family that there is little hope left. Zoe, though still estranged, receives updates through mutual friends and Olivia's family, and each piece of news is painful. The reality of Olivia's impending death becomes clear, forcing Zoe to confront the terrifying alternative she had always refused to imagine. The thought of losing Olivia, her anchor and confidante, is almost unbearable.
A Final Reunion
As Olivia's condition becomes critical, her parents reach out to Zoe, urging her to come to the hospital. Despite the unresolved anger and hurt, they know Olivia wants to see her. Zoe, trembling with fear and regret, goes to Olivia's bedside. The air is thick with unspoken words and shared history. In a fragile moment, they acknowledge their love for each other, and Zoe expresses her sorrow and apologies. Olivia, with what little strength she has left, offers forgiveness, a silent understanding passing between them. It is a heartbreaking reunion, a final chance to mend their broken bond.
Olivia's Passing
Shortly after their final reunion, Olivia passes away. Zoe is shattered by the loss of her best friend, her other half. The world feels empty and silent without Olivia. The grief is overwhelming, made worse by the guilt and the weight of their complicated final months. Zoe attends the funeral, feeling a deep emptiness. She struggles to imagine a future without Olivia, without their shared dreams and inside jokes. The experience leaves a lasting mark on Zoe, forcing her to navigate life and loss in a way she never thought she would have to.
Coping with Grief and Moving Forward
After Olivia's death, Zoe struggles to cope. She leans on her family and, tentatively, on Calvin, who remains a quiet source of support. She revisits places and memories she shared with Olivia, finding both pain and comfort in them. Zoe slowly begins to process her grief, acknowledging the complex emotions of love, loss, guilt, and forgiveness. She reflects on their friendship, the good times and the bad, and the impact Olivia had on her life. The journey is long and difficult, but Zoe is determined to honor Olivia's memory and to live a life that reflects the strength and joy Olivia showed, even in her illness.
Embracing a New Future
As time passes, Zoe starts to heal. She doesn't forget Olivia, but learns to carry her memory without being consumed by grief or guilt. She continues her relationship with Calvin, finding comfort and connection with him. Zoe begins to engage more fully with her own life, pursuing her interests and making new plans, now shaped by the experience of loss and resilience. She learns lessons about friendship, loyalty, forgiveness, and the fragility of life. While Olivia's absence is a permanent void, Zoe finds a way to move forward, carrying Olivia's spirit within her as she embraces the complexities and possibilities of her own future.
Principal Figures
Zoe
The Protagonist
Zoe transforms from a dependent best friend into an independent young woman who learns to navigate profound grief, guilt, and the complexities of love and loss.
Olivia
The Supporting/Catalyst
Olivia's journey is one of immense suffering and loss, forcing her to confront the fragility of life and endure physical and emotional pain, ultimately finding a measure of peace and forgiveness before her death.
Calvin
The Supporting
Calvin's arc is less about personal transformation and more about his role in supporting Zoe through her difficult journey, offering her love and stability.
Sarah
The Supporting
Sarah's arc demonstrates the difficulty some people have in confronting serious illness and loss, leading to her withdrawal from the core friendship.
Zoe's Mom
The Supporting
Zoe's Mom's arc is one of consistent maternal support, providing a steady presence for Zoe to lean on.
Olivia's Mom
The Supporting
Olivia's Mom's arc is one of enduring immense suffering and loss, demonstrating the strength and heartbreak of a parent facing the terminal illness of their child.
Themes & Insights
The Fragility of Life and Loss
The main theme is the sudden impact of terminal illness on young lives. Olivia's diagnosis and decline show how quickly dreams and plans can be shattered. Zoe deals with the reality of losing her best friend, a concept that was previously unimaginable. This theme is clear in Olivia's physical deterioration, her inability to participate in normal teenage life, and Zoe's constant fear and denial, ending in Olivia's death. The book makes characters and readers confront mortality and the pain of saying goodbye too soon.
“"It was like a switch had been flipped, and suddenly, the future we’d always planned together was a fragile thing, threatening to shatter at any moment."”
The Complexities of Friendship and Loyalty
The novel explores the nature of best friendships, especially under extreme stress. Zoe's loyalty to Olivia is central, driving her to put Olivia first, yet it is tested by her own emotional needs and desires. The dilemma of Zoe falling for Calvin, Olivia's crush, creates a conflict, showing the tension between personal happiness and loyalty. The theme also extends to how other friends (like Sarah) struggle to maintain their bond during Olivia's illness, showing how different people handle hardship and support others. The betrayal and reconciliation between Zoe and Olivia highlight the depth, resilience, and fragility of their bond.
“"How could I be so selfish, so utterly wrong, when my best friend was fighting for her life?"”
Guilt and Forgiveness
Guilt is a constant emotion for Zoe throughout the novel. She feels guilty for being happy while Olivia suffers, guilty for developing feelings for Calvin, and guilty for her secret relationship. This guilt isolates her and makes her interactions with Olivia strained. Olivia, in turn, feels the pain of betrayal. The story explores the process of seeking and, ultimately, offering forgiveness. Olivia's subtle forgiveness of Zoe in their final moments is a powerful example of the lasting love between them, allowing Zoe a path toward healing, even in her grief.
“"The guilt was a physical weight, pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe."”
The Struggle for Normalcy
Both Zoe and Olivia cling to the idea of normalcy in the face of illness. Olivia yearns for her old life, her old body, and to do typical teenage activities. Zoe, in her efforts to support Olivia, often tries to create a sense of normalcy, bringing schoolwork and gossip to the hospital. However, the illness constantly interferes, making true normalcy impossible. This theme shows the psychological impact of chronic illness, not just on the patient but also on their loved ones, who struggle to adapt to a 'new normal' filled with fear and uncertainty.
“"We just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. Before. Before cancer came and stole our normal."”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
The Unreliable Narrator (Emotional Bias)
Zoe's first-person perspective shapes the reader's understanding, often colored by her guilt and denial.
The story is told from Zoe's first-person perspective, which means the reader experiences events through her emotional filter. Zoe often downplays the severity of Olivia's illness in her own mind, clinging to denial, and she struggles to acknowledge her own conflicting feelings. This emotional bias influences how she describes interactions and her internal monologue, making her an 'unreliable' narrator not in terms of facts, but in terms of her own emotional truth. This device allows the author to build suspense and deepen the emotional impact, as the reader slowly uncovers the true depth of Zoe's internal conflict and the gravity of Olivia's condition alongside her.
Foreshadowing (Subtle and Overt)
Hints of Olivia's worsening condition and the impending betrayal build tension.
Foreshadowing is used to build tension and emotional weight. Early on, Olivia's persistent fatigue and unexplained bruises subtly hint at her illness. Later, as Olivia's treatments become more aggressive and her relapses occur, there are increasingly overt signs that her prognosis is dire, despite Zoe's desperate hope. The growing intimacy between Zoe and Calvin, and Zoe's mounting guilt, foreshadow the inevitable revelation of their secret relationship and the painful confrontation with Olivia. This device prepares the reader for the tragic outcome while still allowing for emotional impact.
The Catalyst Character (Calvin)
Calvin's arrival precipitates the central conflict of loyalty vs. desire for Zoe.
Calvin serves as a catalyst character in the narrative. His arrival at school and Olivia's subsequent crush on him directly lead to Zoe's central dilemma: her burgeoning romantic feelings for Calvin versus her unwavering loyalty to her best friend, Olivia, who is battling cancer. Without Calvin, this specific conflict would not exist. He forces Zoe to confront her own desires and the ethical implications of her choices, driving a significant portion of the plot and contributing to the unraveling of Zoe and Olivia's friendship.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
““It's like, you spend your whole life waiting for something, and then it happens, and you're not even ready for it.””
— Zoe contemplates the unexpected turn of events in her life and her feelings for Noah.
““Sometimes the most important things are the ones you can’t see, the ones that are just under the surface.””
— Zoe thinks about the hidden emotions and unspoken connections between people.
““Being brave doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you do it anyway.””
— Zoe faces a difficult decision or conversation, acknowledging her fear but pushing through it.
““Maybe one day. Maybe one day everything will make sense.””
— A recurring thought for Zoe as she navigates the confusing parts of her life and relationships.
““You can’t force feelings. They either happen or they don’t.””
— Zoe or a character discussing the natural progression of romantic feelings.
““Sometimes you have to break things to see if they can be put back together, or if they were never meant to be whole.””
— Reflecting on a relationship that has been challenged or ended.
““The hardest part about saying goodbye is knowing you might never say hello again.””
— Zoe deals with the pain of separation or a potential end to a significant relationship.
““It's funny how you can know someone for years and still not really know them at all.””
— Zoe realizes new aspects of a long-time friend or acquaintance.
““Love isn't always fireworks and grand gestures. Sometimes it's just being there.””
— Zoe understands the quiet, consistent nature of true affection.
““You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. Your heart just decides.””
— A character expressing the uncontrollable nature of falling in love.
““Every ending is just a new beginning, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.””
— Zoe finds a glimmer of hope or perspective after a difficult experience.
““The best stories are the ones you don't see coming, the ones that surprise you.””
— Zoe reflecting on the unexpected twists and turns in her own life story.
““Sometimes you have to let go of the picture in your head to see the one that's actually in front of you.””
— Zoe realizing she needs to abandon her preconceived notions about how things should be.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
Zoe struggles with the devastating reality of her best friend Olivia's worsening illness while simultaneously trying to maintain a facade of normalcy and optimism. This internal conflict is compounded by her developing romantic feelings for Calvin, Olivia's long-time crush, creating a moral dilemma and a sense of guilt.
