““It's weird, because I've spent so much of my life feeling like I had to be careful with my heart, but it turns out I just needed to be careful about who I gave it to.””
— Leah reflecting on her past relationships and her feelings for Abby.
Archivist's Choice
Leah on the Offbeat
Becky Albertalli (2018)
Genre
Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
350 min
Key Themes
See below
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As senior year ends, Leah, a bisexual drummer navigating social changes and artistic doubts, discovers her feelings for a friend.
Synopsis
Leah Burke, Simon Spier's best friend and a drummer, navigates her last year of high school. As an only child of a single mom, Leah feels different from her wealthy friends. She is secretly bisexual, a fact only her mother knows. Leah also draws in secret, too shy to share her art. The story follows Leah as her close friend group, including Simon, Abby, Nick, and Garrett, starts to break apart under the pressure of prom, college choices, and unspoken feelings. Leah finds herself increasingly drawn to Abby Suso, one of her best friends, leading to an inner struggle as she tries to accept her feelings and fears disrupting their friendship or revealing her sexuality. A drunken confession after prom, full of misunderstandings, forces Leah and Abby to face their emotions. They begin a relationship carefully, learning to manage it amid graduation and the uncertainty after high school. In the end, Leah finds the courage to be herself, sharing her art and her relationship with Abby, and looks to the future with confidence and a sense of belonging.
Reading time
350 min
Difficulty
Easy
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Realistic, Sweet, Angsty, Reflective
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy realistic, character-driven YA romance with LGBTQ+ representation and themes of self-discovery, friendship, and navigating senior year.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer high-stakes plot-driven stories or are looking for a light, conflict-free romance.
Plot Summary
Senior Year Jitters and Friend Group Dynamics
Leah Burke, a senior at Shady Creek High, deals with the usual stresses of college applications and prom season, along with the more subtle worries within her friend group. She is openly bisexual to her mother but has not told her friends, including her openly gay best friend, Simon Spier. Leah feels like an outsider among her wealthier friends, as she is the only child of a single, working-class mother. As prom planning starts, the group's normal dynamic changes due to various personal conflicts, especially between Abby Suso and Nick Eisner, and the general uncertainty of their lives after high school. Leah often watches these changes with a detached, cynical view, sketching in her notebook instead of fully participating, a habit that keeps her true feelings hidden.
The Prom Committee and Abby's Growing Presence
Leah joins the prom committee with Abby Suso and Garrett Laughlin. This close contact makes Leah face her complex feelings for Abby, which she has secretly held for a long time. While Leah has always been drawn to Abby's cheerful personality and kindness, their increased time together during committee meetings and planning intensifies Leah's crush. She struggles to balance these feelings with her wish to keep the friend group as it is and her fear of rejection. The committee work becomes a backdrop for Leah's inner turmoil, as she tries to understand Abby's signals while also trying to hide her own emotions, often through sarcasm and a defensive attitude.
Artistic Expression and Hidden Vulnerabilities
Leah is a skilled artist, always sketching in her notebook, but she is very self-conscious about her work and rarely shares it. Her art helps her express unspoken feelings and observations. This vulnerability appears when her friends sometimes see her drawings, which often show them or the world around her, but Leah quickly stops any attempts to see more. Her hesitation to share her art reflects her hesitation to share her true self and her bisexuality with her friends. The fear of judgment and the desire to control her image stop her from fully expressing herself, even in creative activities she loves.
Friend Group Fractures and Misunderstandings
As senior year goes on, the friend group starts to show significant cracks. Nick and Abby's relationship becomes tense, leading to arguments and eventually a breakup. This creates an awkward dynamic within the larger group, affecting Simon and Leah, who are close to both. Leah also notices subtle changes in her relationship with Simon, feeling a growing distance as he focuses more on his relationship with Bram. These tensions lead to several heated talks and misunderstandings, leaving Leah feeling more isolated and worried about the group's future after high school. The once-strong foundation of their friendship seems to crumble under the weight of college decisions, romantic issues, and the fear of the unknown.
The College Decision and Future Uncertainties
Leah struggles with her college choices, feeling less sure about her future than many of her friends who have already decided on schools or paths. Her financial situation also plays a big part in her choices, adding another layer of stress. While her friends discuss their universities and the excitement of moving on, Leah feels a pang of envy and uncertainty. She grapples with leaving her comfort zone and starting fresh, especially without her established friend group always around. This uncertainty about her academic and personal future makes her existing worries about her identity and relationships worse, making her feel even more lost.
A Drunken Confession and Its Aftermath
During a party, after drinking alcohol, Leah accidentally tells her friends she's bisexual. This unplanned coming out causes anxiety for Leah, who has kept this part of her identity hidden from them for so long. She expects various reactions, from confusion to judgment. However, to her surprise and relief, her friends, especially Simon, are mostly accepting and supportive. While the moment itself is messy and not how she imagined coming out, the aftermath is a big step towards Leah being more authentic. This event, though accidental, allows her to be more open about herself, especially with the people she cares about most.
The Prom Disaster and Emotional Fallout
Prom night, meant to be joyful, turns into an emotional mess. The remaining tensions within the friend group, especially between Nick and Abby, finally explode. A public argument happens, causing great distress for everyone. Amidst the chaos and heartbreak, Leah's emotions reach a breaking point. She sees Abby's distress and, in a moment of raw vulnerability and frustration, confesses her feelings for Abby. This confession, made during the prom's dramatic setting, is both a relief and terrifying for Leah, as it reveals her deepest secret and risks changing her relationships forever. The night ends with the friend group scattered and heartbroken, leaving Leah to deal with the immediate results of her confession.
Abby's Reaction and a Tentative Connection
After Leah's tearful confession at prom, Abby's first reaction is shock and confusion, leaving Leah in agonizing uncertainty. The following days are filled with awkwardness and silence between them, as Leah fears she has ruined their friendship. However, Abby eventually reaches out, and they have a heartfelt talk where Abby reveals she is also attracted to Leah. This revelation is a huge moment for Leah, turning her long-held secret crush into a possible reality. They begin to explore their feelings for each other carefully, navigating the newness of their romantic connection while still processing the aftermath from prom and the changing dynamics of their friend group.
Navigating a New Relationship
Leah and Abby start a secret relationship, choosing to keep it hidden from their friends for a time. This secrecy adds both excitement and stress to their new romance. Leah, in particular, struggles with how their relationship might affect the friend group, especially given Abby's recent breakup with Nick. They navigate their first dates and intimate moments, slowly building trust and understanding. Leah finds herself opening up to Abby in ways she hasn't with anyone else, sharing her art and deeper vulnerabilities. The joy of their connection is balanced by the looming decision of when and how to tell their friends about their relationship, knowing it could cause more problems.
Graduation and Revelations
Graduation day arrives, marking the end of an era for Leah and her friends. Amidst the celebration, Leah and Abby decide it's time to make their relationship public. They share a kiss, openly confirming their romance to their surprised friend group. Reactions vary: Simon and Bram are immediately supportive, expressing happiness for them. However, Nick is clearly hurt and surprised, while others like Garrett and Leah's mom, welcome the news with warmth. This public declaration is a big step for Leah, showing her full acceptance of her identity and her relationship with Abby. It signals a new beginning, not just for her romance but for her overall self-acceptance and honesty.
Post-Graduation Adjustments
Following graduation and the public announcement of their relationship, Leah and Abby begin to adjust to their new reality. They face the challenges of maintaining a relationship as they prepare for college, with Abby going to a different school than Leah. They discuss their plans for the future, the logistics of a long-distance relationship, and how their romance will fit into their individual goals. Leah continues to grow more comfortable with herself, sharing her art more freely and engaging more openly with her friends. The novel ends with Leah feeling hopeful and a sense of belonging, having found love and a deeper understanding of herself, ready to face the future with Abby by her side.
Principal Figures
Leah Burke
The Protagonist
Leah evolves from a guarded, self-conscious individual who hides her true self and feelings to someone who embraces her bisexuality, shares her art, and pursues a romantic relationship with courage and honesty.
Abby Suso
The Love Interest / Supporting
Abby moves from a relationship with Nick to discovering and embracing her feelings for Leah, ultimately forming a loving and supportive partnership.
Simon Spier
The Supporting
Simon continues to grow in his relationship with Bram, providing support to his friends while navigating his own post-high school transitions.
Garrett Laughlin
The Supporting
Garrett processes his unrequited feelings for Leah and remains a supportive friend, accepting her true self.
Nick Eisner
The Supporting
Nick moves through a painful breakup and eventually has to come to terms with Abby's new relationship.
Nora Spier
The Supporting
Nora continues to be a vibrant and supportive friend, celebrating the evolving relationships within their group.
Bram Greenfeld
The Supporting
Bram remains a stable and loving partner to Simon, offering quiet support to his friends.
Mrs. Burke
The Supporting
Mrs. Burke continues to be a source of unwavering support and love for Leah as she navigates senior year and first love.
Themes & Insights
Identity and Self-Acceptance
This theme explores Leah's journey to accept and express her full identity, especially her bisexuality and her artistic passion. Leah spends much of the novel hiding her bisexuality from her friends, fearing judgment and a disruption of the group dynamic. Her accidental coming out at the party, though messy, is a key moment that allows her to start living more authentically. Likewise, her hesitation to share her art, despite her talent, reflects her general self-consciousness and fear of vulnerability. By the end, she shares her art and embraces her romantic relationship, showing her growth into self-acceptance. The novel suggests that true belonging comes from being true to oneself.
“Maybe it’s not about finding the perfect fit for you, but about finding the perfect fit for the person you are right now.”
The Evolution of Friendships
The novel examines how friendships change during the shift from high school to college. Leah's friend group, once solid, experiences significant breaks due to college decisions, romantic issues (like Nick and Abby's breakup), and individual growth. Leah watches these changes with a mix of sadness and worry, fearing the loss of these important connections. The book highlights the tension between holding onto familiar dynamics and accepting the changes that come with growing up. Ultimately, it shows that while some relationships may strain, true friendships can adapt and even strengthen through honesty and acceptance.
“It’s weird how you can know people your whole life, and then suddenly you don’t know them at all. Or maybe you never really did.”
First Love and Vulnerability
Leah's secret crush on Abby forms the main romantic story, exploring the intense vulnerability and fear linked with first love, especially when it challenges existing social dynamics. Leah's feelings for Abby are long-standing but deeply hidden, making her confession at prom a moment of great courage and terror. The novel looks into the worries of understanding signals, the excitement of shared feelings, and the challenges of starting a new relationship, particularly one that might surprise others. It shows that opening oneself up to love requires great bravery and a willingness to be fully seen.
“My heart feels like it’s going to explode. It’s too big for my chest. It’s too big for my body. It’s too big for this prom.”
Socioeconomic Differences and Privilege
Leah often feels different from her friends because of her financial background. As the only child of a single, working-class mother, she is very aware of her less privileged status compared to her friends, who often discuss college funds, expensive trips, and lack financial worries. This theme appears in her worries about college costs and her feeling of being an 'outsider.' It subtly affects her guarded nature, as she does not want to draw attention to these differences. The novel acknowledges how these disparities can affect self-perception and relationships, even within close groups.
“It’s not like I’m poor, but I’m not rich. I’m just… regular. Which is somehow worse, sometimes, than being poor.”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
Unreliable Narrator (Self-Deception)
Leah's internal narration often masks her true feelings and biases her perceptions.
Leah's narrative voice is characterized by her deadpan humor, cynicism, and tendency to deflect. While she's observant, her internal monologue is also heavily influenced by her insecurities and self-deception, particularly regarding her feelings for Abby and her bisexuality. She often dismisses her own emotions or interprets others' actions through a lens of suspicion, making her an 'unreliable' guide to her own inner life. This device allows the reader to experience Leah's growth as she slowly becomes more honest with herself and, consequently, with others, revealing deeper truths beyond her initial cynical observations.
Art as a Metaphor
Leah's sketching serves as a symbolic representation of her hidden inner world and desire for expression.
Leah's constant sketching in her notebook functions as a powerful metaphor for her hidden self. Her reluctance to show her art to anyone mirrors her reluctance to reveal her bisexuality and her true emotions. The act of drawing allows her to process her observations and feelings privately. When she finally starts to share her art, particularly with Abby, it symbolizes her increasing vulnerability, self-acceptance, and willingness to connect authentically. Her art becomes a visual diary of her unspoken thoughts and a bridge to deeper intimacy.
Prom Night as a Catalyst
The prom acts as a pressure cooker, forcing long-simmering tensions and hidden emotions to a dramatic head.
Prom night, traditionally a culmination of high school, is used as a dramatic catalyst in the novel. The heightened emotions, expectations, and the forced proximity of the friend group create a pressure cooker environment. The existing cracks in the friendships, particularly between Nick and Abby, explode, leading to a public confrontation. More importantly, the emotional intensity of the night pushes Leah to her breaking point, prompting her spontaneous and vulnerable confession of love for Abby. The prom's chaos facilitates the dramatic unveiling of long-held secrets and propels the central romantic plot forward.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
““Maybe it's okay to be a little bit offbeat. Maybe it's okay to not fit perfectly into any box.””
— Leah grappling with her identity and feeling like an outsider.
““I think maybe the scariest thing about falling in love is that you give someone the power to break your heart.””
— Leah's internal monologue about the risks of opening up.
““Sometimes the most important things are the ones you don't say out loud.””
— Leah observing the unspoken dynamics between her friends and herself.
““It’s not just about finding someone who loves you back. It’s about finding someone who loves you for all the parts of you, even the ones you try to hide.””
— Leah realizing the depth of true acceptance in a relationship.
““Being brave isn't about not being scared. It's about being scared and doing it anyway.””
— Leah psyching herself up to take a risk with Abby.
““I think maybe the best kinds of friendships are the ones where you can be completely silent and still feel understood.””
— Leah appreciating the comfort and understanding within her friend group.
““You don't have to be perfect for someone to love you. You just have to be you.””
— A realization Leah has about self-worth and love.
““It’s amazing how much you can love someone and still not really know them.””
— Leah reflecting on the complexities of her relationships with her friends.
““Maybe growing up just means realizing that everyone’s a little bit messy, and that’s okay.””
— Leah's evolving perspective on adulthood and imperfection.
““There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely.””
— Leah contemplating her feelings of isolation versus solitude.
““Sometimes the things you’re most afraid to lose are the things you need to let yourself have.””
— Leah considering the risks and rewards of pursuing her feelings for Abby.
““It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about finding someone who loves who you already are.””
— Leah's internal thought about authentic relationships.
““The hardest part about hiding something is pretending you’re not hiding anything.””
— Leah reflecting on the effort it takes to keep secrets, especially about her sexuality.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
Leah struggles with being an 'anomaly' in her friend group, feeling less privileged as the only child of a young, single mom. This economic disparity, coupled with her secret bisexuality, creates internal tension and a sense of isolation even among her closest friends.
About the author
Becky Albertalli is a New York Times bestselling author known for her heartwarming and humorous young adult novels. Her most famous work, "Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda," was adapted into the critically acclaimed film "Love, Simon." Albertalli's writing often explores themes of identity, friendship, and romance with relatable characters and authentic dialogue.
