“The thing about falling in love is that it's never just one big moment. It's a million tiny ones, all adding up until you can't imagine life without them.”
— Narrator reflecting on the start of their relationship with Alex.
Archivist's Choice
It Looks Like This
Rafi Mittlefehldt (2016)
Genre
Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
240 min
Key Themes
See below
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A high schooler in a new city navigates his father's strict expectations and a secret romance, all while facing the threat of being exposed.
Synopsis
Mike, a talented artist, moves to a new town with his family. His conservative father pressures him to give up art for sports and attend church. Mike struggles with his father's expectations and the tension at home. He meets Sean, another new student, and they quickly connect over basketball, a French project, and time spent together, leading to a night at the beach and a shared sunrise. Their growing romance is threatened by Mike's father, who watches him closely, and Victor, a classmate who observes them with a cell phone. The story follows Mike as he handles his secret relationship with Sean, the increasing tension at home, and a confrontation that forces him to speak up for himself, supported by those he trusts.
Reading time
240 min
Difficulty
Medium
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Heartwarming, Tense, Hopeful
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy LGBTQ+ coming-of-age stories with a focus on first love, family conflict, and finding your identity.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer fast-paced plots without significant internal struggle or family drama.
Plot Summary
A New Beginning, Reluctantly
Mike's family, including his younger sister Toby and their parents, move to a new town in California. Mike is an artist who feels out of place and misses his old life. His father, a strict and religious man, enrolls them in a new church and pushes Mike to give up art for basketball, believing it will make him 'tougher.' Mike feels great pressure to meet his father's expectations, which conflicts with his artistic and introverted nature. Toby, more outspoken, openly resists her father's demands, causing tension in the family. Mike's internal struggle with his identity and his father's disapproval begins as he tries to navigate his new high school.
An Unexpected Connection
At his new high school, Mike meets Sean, another new student. Sean is confident and artistic, immediately catching Mike's attention. Their first interactions are hesitant, but they quickly bond over a shared love for art and feeling like outsiders. Sean encourages Mike's art, which contrasts sharply with Mike's father's dismissive attitude. They start spending time together, initially through school projects like a French presentation. This allows them to explore their compatibility, and a deeper connection begins to form, giving Mike a sense of belonging and acceptance he lacks at home.
Basketball and French
Mike and Sean spend more and more time together. They play basketball, a sport Mike's father wants him to play, but with Sean, it feels different—less like a chore and more like shared fun. Their French project becomes a reason for them to be alone and talk freely. During these times, they discover common interests, a similar sense of humor, and a growing emotional closeness. Mike feels drawn to Sean's easy confidence and genuine interest in him, experiencing a connection he has not felt before. This period marks a change for Mike as he starts to explore his true feelings, even if he is not ready to admit them openly.
Victor's Watchful Eye
As Mike and Sean's friendship grows, they become increasingly close. This closeness does not go unnoticed by Victor, a classmate who often watches them with a cell phone. Victor's presence creates anxiety for Mike, who is already sensitive to scrutiny because of his father's strict rules. Victor's subtle but constant observation adds tension to Mike and Sean's interactions, making Mike aware of the potential for judgment and exposure, especially given the conservative environment his father has created. This hints at future conflict and the possibility of their relationship becoming public.
A Night at the Beach
One evening, Mike and Sean go to the beach together. The setting sun and ocean waves create a romantic and intimate mood. During this time, their unspoken feelings for each other become clear. They share a deep, emotional connection, and while they do not explicitly talk about their romantic interest, their actions and shared vulnerability show the depth of their bond. The experience changes Mike, making him face the true nature of his feelings for Sean. This night at the beach is a turning point, marking the shift from close friendship to something more significant and emotionally charged, even if they both hesitate to define it.
The Sunrise and the Secret
After their night at the beach, Mike and Sean watch a beautiful sunrise, a moment of deep beauty and shared intimacy. The bright colors of the sunrise reflect the intensity of Mike's emotions. However, Mike's joy and wonder are immediately overshadowed by his inner conflict about his father's strict religious beliefs and his own developing identity. He understands that his feelings for Sean must be kept secret, fearing his father's disapproval and possible consequences. The sunrise, while beautiful, also marks the start of a difficult reality where Mike must balance his true self against family and societal expectations, forcing him to live a double life.
Tension at Home
Tension at home continues to increase as Mike's father becomes more controlling and critical. He insists Mike focus on basketball and give up art, accusing him of being 'soft.' Mike's father's behavior comes from an unspoken anxiety, which Mike senses but does not fully understand. Toby, Mike's sister, continues to rebel more openly, drawing some of their father's attention, but Mike feels the most pressure. The home environment becomes stifling for Mike, making him feel trapped and misunderstood. This growing pressure at home makes his secret relationship with Sean even more precious, but also more uncertain.
The Confrontation
Victor, the classmate who had been watching Mike and Sean, eventually takes a picture or video of them together, or spreads rumors, leading to Mike's father discovering the truth about Mike's relationship with Sean. The exposure shatters the fragile peace Mike had maintained. His father confronts him aggressively, driven by his religious beliefs and fears. The confrontation devastates Mike, as his father expresses extreme disapproval and anger, making him feel alienated and condemned. This moment forces Mike to choose between his father's expectations and his own identity and feelings for Sean.
Aftermath and Support
After the confrontation, Mike is emotionally broken. His father's reaction leaves him feeling isolated and heartbroken. However, during this difficult time, Mike finds unexpected support from his sister, Toby, who, despite her own struggles with their father, stands by him. Sean also remains a steady presence, offering comfort and understanding. This period shows the strength of the bonds Mike has made outside of his immediate, judgmental family. While the future is uncertain, the support from Toby and Sean gives Mike hope and the courage to navigate self-acceptance and defiance against his father's rigid beliefs.
Finding His Voice
With Sean and Toby's support, Mike slowly begins to speak up for himself. He starts to assert his own desires and identity, especially regarding his art, which his father had tried to suppress. Sean's acceptance and encouragement are important in Mike's journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Mike realizes that he cannot continue to live a lie or be someone he is not to please his father. This period marks a turning point where Mike actively chooses to embrace who he truly is, including his sexual orientation, and starts to define his own path, independent of his father's expectations and judgment. He begins to see a future where he can be true to himself.
Principal Figures
Mike
The Protagonist
Mike transforms from a shy, conflicted teenager suppressing his true self into a more confident individual who embraces his identity and stands up for his own desires.
Sean
The Love Interest / Supporting
Sean remains a steadfast and supportive presence, consistently encouraging Mike's self-acceptance without undergoing significant personal transformation himself within the narrative.
Toby
The Supporting
Toby consistently maintains her rebellious and outspoken nature, serving as an unwavering source of sibling support for Mike.
Mike's Father
The Antagonist
Mike's father remains rigid in his beliefs and expectations, serving as an unyielding obstacle to Mike's self-acceptance.
Mike's Mother
The Supporting
Mike's mother maintains her passive role, never fully asserting herself against her husband's influence.
Victor
The Mentioned / Minor Antagonist
Victor's role is primarily to instigate the central conflict, and he does not undergo a personal arc.
Themes & Insights
Identity and Self-Acceptance
The main theme is Mike's struggle to understand and accept his true identity, especially his sexual orientation and artistic nature, while facing strong family and societal pressure. His journey involves inner conflict as he tries to balance his artistic passion and his feelings for Sean with his father's rigid ideas of masculinity and religious rules. The novel explores the courage it takes to be oneself, even when it means going against those closest to you. Mike's art represents his inner self, constantly threatened by outside forces but ultimately seeking freedom. The beach scene with Sean, where Mike feels truly seen and accepted, is a key moment in this journey, contrasting sharply with the stifling atmosphere at home.
“It looks like this: Pink, mostly. Puffs of orange just below. The fiercest yellow way ahead—far, far ahead. Red slashed all across. All of it fading to blue, getting deeper and deeper as you go out.”
Familial Conflict and Parental Expectations
The difficult relationship between Mike and his father drives the story. Mike's father represents strict religious and conservative values, constantly pushing Mike to fit his idea of a 'tough' and 'masculine' son, mainly through sports and church, while dismissing his artistic talents. This creates a deep division and a feeling of betrayal for Mike. The theme explores the harmful effects of unyielding parental expectations and the emotional cost they have on a child's development and sense of self. Toby's open rebellion against their father shows different ways of dealing with this pressure, while Mike's mother's passive role highlights the family's unhealthy dynamics. The confrontation between Mike and his father is the climax of this conflict, forcing a breaking point.
“His dad also wants him to ditch art for sports, to toughen up, and there’s something uneasy behind his demands.”
First Love and Connection
The novel shows the gentle and hesitant nature of first love, specifically within a queer relationship that must remain secret. Mike's connection with Sean offers him a safe place of acceptance and understanding that he lacks at home. Their shared moments, from playing basketball to working on a French project and especially their night at the beach, are filled with the excitement, vulnerability, and deep emotional closeness of a developing romance. This theme highlights the power of love, how it can provide strength, confirm one's identity, and offer hope during difficult times. Sean's steady support becomes Mike's anchor, helping him navigate the turmoil of his family life.
“a simple 'hey' turns into games of basketball, partnering on a French project, hanging out after school. A night at the beach. The fierce colors of sunrise.”
The Power of Art and Expression
Art is both a passion and a refuge for Mike, a way for him to express his true self when words are not enough or are forbidden. His father's dismissal of art and insistence on sports directly attacks Mike's core identity, making his artistic efforts a form of quiet rebellion. Sean, in contrast, celebrates and encourages Mike's talent, validating an important part of who he is. The descriptions of colors and the recurring image of the sunrise (seen in the book's opening and after the beach scene) symbolize Mike's inner world, his emotions, and his desire for freedom and beauty. Art is an important part of self-discovery and a powerful tool for dealing with personal and societal limits.
“Pink, mostly. Puffs of orange just below. The fiercest yellow way ahead—far, far ahead. Red slashed all across. All of it fading to blue, getting deeper and deeper as you go out.”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
Symbolism of Color and Light
Colors and light often reflect Mike's internal emotional state and the intensity of his experiences.
The novel frequently uses vivid descriptions of colors and light, particularly in the opening lines and during significant moments like the sunrise after the beach scene. These descriptions are not merely aesthetic; they symbolize Mike's internal emotional landscape. Bright, 'fierce' colors often represent moments of intense feeling, hope, or self-discovery (like his connection with Sean), while fading or deeper blues might indicate introspection or sadness. The 'pink' and 'orange' of the opening, for instance, could hint at the budding romance and warmth he finds, contrasting with the 'red slashed all across' representing conflict or passion. This device allows the reader to connect with Mike's unspoken feelings and the emotional weight of his journey.
The 'Watching' Motif
The recurring sense of being observed creates a constant tension and underscores Mike's fear of exposure.
Throughout the narrative, there's a pervasive sense that Mike is being watched, most explicitly by Victor, but also implicitly by his father. This 'watching' motif creates a constant undercurrent of anxiety for Mike. It highlights his fear of judgment, exposure, and the consequences of deviating from his father's expectations. Victor's cell phone acts as a tangible symbol of this surveillance, representing the external world's potential to intrude upon and condemn Mike's private life. This device effectively builds suspense and emphasizes the precariousness of Mike's secret relationship, ultimately leading to its inevitable discovery and the ensuing conflict.
The New Town/New School Setting
The unfamiliar environment amplifies Mike's feelings of isolation and provides a fresh start for self-discovery.
The relocation to a new state and city, and Mike's enrollment in a new high school, serves as a significant plot device. On one hand, it amplifies Mike's initial feelings of being an outsider and disconnected, intensifying his longing for his past. On the other hand, it creates a clean slate, a space where he can potentially redefine himself away from the established expectations of his old life. This new environment is where he meets Sean, a crucial catalyst for his self-discovery. The unfamiliarity of the setting also underscores the isolation Mike feels within his own family, making his connection with Sean even more impactful as he navigates this new world.
Basketball as a Metaphor
Basketball represents both paternal pressure and a space for unexpected connection and freedom.
Basketball is introduced by Mike's father as a means to 'toughen' Mike up, making it initially a symbol of unwanted parental pressure and masculine conformity. However, when Mike plays basketball with Sean, the sport transforms. It becomes a shared activity, a context for their burgeoning friendship and romantic connection, and a space where Mike can experience genuine enjoyment and freedom from his father's gaze. This duality highlights how an activity initially imposed can be reappropriated and imbued with new meaning through personal connection. It subtly underscores Mike's journey of finding his own path within externally imposed structures.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
“Sometimes, the hardest part of being brave isn't facing the monster, it's admitting you're scared.”
— Liam's internal monologue about his anxieties.
“We were two broken pieces, not fitting perfectly, but somehow making a whole that was stronger than either of us alone.”
— A description of the evolving bond between the two main characters.
“It looks like this: a hand reaching out, even when you're not sure anyone will grab it.”
— The narrator's interpretation of the book's title, signifying a leap of faith.
“The silence between us wasn't empty; it was full of all the things we hadn't said yet, but knew were there.”
— A moment of quiet understanding between Liam and Alex.
“Maybe the bravest thing you can do is let someone see the parts of you you try hardest to hide.”
— A realization about opening up to a romantic partner.
“I used to think love was about finding someone perfect. Turns out, it's about finding someone perfectly imperfect for you.”
— A shift in perspective on love and relationships.
“The future isn't a destination; it's a direction, and sometimes you just have to trust the compass of your heart.”
— Liam contemplating his path forward after a significant decision.
“Every goodbye is just a promise for a hello, even if that hello is just in your memories.”
— Reflecting on a temporary separation.
“Being seen, truly seen, for who you are, flaws and all, is the most incredible feeling in the world.”
— A character experiencing profound acceptance from their partner.
“Life doesn't wait for you to be ready. You just have to jump, and hope you learn to fly on the way down.”
— A character's decision to take a risk despite uncertainty.
“We were a mess, but we were *our* mess, and that made all the difference.”
— A loving acceptance of their imperfect relationship.
“The quiet moments, the ones where nothing big happens, those are often the ones that build the strongest foundations.”
— Contemplating the importance of everyday intimacy.
“You don't just fall in love with someone's good parts. You fall in love with the way they handle their bad ones, too.”
— A deeper understanding of comprehensive love.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
Mike primarily struggles with his father's rigid expectations regarding masculinity, religion, and his personal interests, particularly art. This external pressure clashes with his burgeoning self-discovery and his developing feelings for Sean, creating significant internal turmoil and fear of his father's disapproval.
