“She had always been a person who felt it was important to be polite, even to people who were obviously not going to be polite back.”
— Early description of Maryam's personality and her approach to social interactions.
Archivist's Choice
Digging to America
Anne Tyler (2006)
Genre
Literary Fiction
Reading Time
9-10 hours
Key Themes
See below
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An Iranian-American grandmother, Maryam, defines herself as an 'outsider,' but when her family's yearly adoption party connects them with a loud American family, she must rethink what it means to belong.
Synopsis
In Baltimore, two families, the American Donaldsons and the Iranian-American Yazdans, meet at the airport. They are both waiting for their adopted Korean infant daughters to arrive. This meeting starts an annual "arrival party" that strengthens their bond over the years. Maryam Yazdan, the grandmother of the Iranian-American family, enjoys these gatherings but keeps her distance, valuing her privacy and traditions. However, her world changes when Dave Donaldson, a recently widowed man from the American family, starts to court her. Dave's loud American personality feels intrusive to Maryam. It challenges her sense of self and the 'outsider' identity she has embraced. Through their interactions and Maryam's inner conflict, the novel explores cultural identity, assimilation, and the American experience from both inside and outside perspectives. Ultimately, Maryam considers new ideas about connection and belonging.
Reading time
9-10 hours
Difficulty
Medium
Pacing
Slow
Mood
Reflective, Observational, Gentle, Poignant
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy character-driven literary fiction exploring cultural identity, family dynamics, and the nuances of human connection.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer fast-paced plots, high-stakes drama, or clear-cut resolutions.
Plot Summary
The Airport Meeting
The Donaldsons, a white American couple, Dave and Bitsy, arrive at Baltimore-Washington International Airport with their two young children. They are excited to pick up their new adopted baby girl from Korea. At the same time, the Yazdans—Sami, an Iranian-American, and his American-born wife, Ziba—are also there for the same reason. Both couples wait for their infant daughters, Jin-Ho and Susan. Bitsy, always outgoing, immediately talks to Ziba, connecting over their shared adoption experience. The initial awkwardness quickly turns into a tentative bond, hinting at how their different lives will connect. Maryam Yazdan, Sami's mother, watches with quiet curiosity, a contrast to Bitsy's loud excitement.
The First Arrival Party
After both babies, Jin-Ho and Susan, arrive with their new parents, Bitsy Donaldson, on a whim, invites the Yazdans to her home for an 'arrival party.' Despite cultural differences and the Yazdans' initial hesitation, they accept. This spontaneous gathering becomes the first of many yearly celebrations, strengthening the bond between the two families. The party is lively and somewhat messy, typical of Bitsy's home. Maryam Yazdan attends, observing the American customs with a mix of confusion and quiet judgment. She notices the casualness, the loud talks, and how easily the Donaldsons include everyone, which is very different from her own more private and structured life.
Annual Celebrations and Growing Connections
As years pass, the 'arrival parties' for Jin-Ho and Susan become a beloved yearly tradition, looked forward to by both families. These gatherings show how the families' lives unfold and connect. The children grow up together, seeing each other as cousins, while the adults manage their changing relationships. Sami and Ziba become more comfortable with the Donaldsons' casual American ways, even as they keep their own cultural identity. Maryam, though still an observer, is always there. Her 'outsider' view offers a subtle comment on the American lifestyle. She watches as the Donaldson home expands to include various relatives and friends, a constant center of activity that both fascinates and slightly overwhelms her.
Maryam's Observations and Retreat
Even after living in America for thirty-five years, Maryam Yazdan still feels like an 'outsider.' She carefully maintains her Iranian traditions, her privacy, and some emotional distance from the busy American culture of the Donaldsons. She finds their open emotions, their casualness, and their lack of personal boundaries confusing and sometimes intrusive. Maryam often thinks to herself, comparing American customs to her cherished Iranian heritage. She values order, quiet, and a clear line between private and public life. All of these seem constantly challenged by the Donaldsons' outgoing nature, especially Bitsy's. Her son, Sami, and his wife, Ziba, have adapted more, which sometimes creates a subtle tension between them.
Dave Donaldson's Widowerhood
Tragedy strikes the Donaldson family when Bitsy, the lively mother and the energetic force behind the yearly parties, dies suddenly. Her unexpected death leaves a big hole in the lives of her family and friends, especially for her husband, Dave. Dave is deep in grief, struggling to cope with the loss of his wife and the sudden quiet in his previously loud home. The yearly arrival party tradition continues, but with a noticeable change in mood, now marked by sadness and remembrance. Dave's children and the Yazdans try to support him, but his deep sorrow isolates him, and he finds it hard to move on, holding onto Bitsy's routines and memories.
Dave's Growing Interest in Maryam
After Bitsy's death, Dave Donaldson, still dealing with his grief, begins to focus, somewhat unexpectedly, on Maryam Yazdan. He finds himself drawn to her quiet strength, her unique presence, and perhaps her very 'otherness,' which contrasts with his own world. He starts making small gestures, offering her rides, talking to her, and seeking her company. Maryam is initially confused and a bit uncomfortable with this attention. She values her personal space and privacy, and Dave's attempts to connect feel like an invasion of her carefully built boundaries. His kind but persistent nature clashes with her reserved personality, creating a dynamic of cautious curiosity from her and gentle pursuit from him.
Maryam's Resistance and Internal Conflict
Maryam finds Dave's attention increasingly unsettling. His presence, his American directness, and his attempts to bridge their cultural divide feel like a threat to her traditions, privacy, and her sense of self as an 'outsider.' She has carefully maintained her Iranian identity and customs throughout her decades in America, and Dave's courtship seems to challenge the very basis of her life. She fears losing her distinctness, being absorbed into a culture she has always kept at a distance. Internally, she struggles with the unexpected feelings Dave brings out, a mix of discomfort, curiosity, and a faint, unsettling pull that she tries to resist, holding onto her routines and beliefs.
The Trip to Iran and Reflection
Feeling overwhelmed by Dave's persistent courtship and her own inner turmoil, Maryam decides to travel back to Iran. She hopes that by returning to her homeland, she can reconnect with her roots, confirm her cultural identity, and gain clarity about her feelings for Dave and her life in America. The trip is a journey of self-reflection as she re-experiences the sights, sounds, and customs of her birth country. While there, she thinks about the differences between Iran and America, and how much she has changed, even while trying to stay the same. The visit, however, does not give her the easy answers she seeks. Instead, it highlights the complexities of her dual identity and the impossibility of simply going back to a former self.
Dave's Persistence and Unveiling Vulnerability
Despite Maryam's resistance and her trip to Iran, Dave Donaldson remains steady in his gentle pursuit. He does not pressure her aggressively but continues to be present in her life, offering quiet support and companionship. During their interactions, Dave begins to show more of his own vulnerabilities and his ongoing grief for Bitsy. He shares stories, feelings, and his struggles with loneliness, letting Maryam see beyond his loud American exterior. This vulnerability starts to break down Maryam's defenses, as she sees a deeper, more sensitive side to him. His genuine kindness and his own experience with loss create an unexpected connection between them, challenging her ideas about him and about Americans in general.
A Tentative Step Towards Connection
Slowly and carefully, Maryam begins to relax. She finds herself responding to Dave's kindness and appreciating his patience. The boundaries she has kept for decades start to soften, allowing a tentative connection to form. She begins to see Dave not just as 'an American' but as an individual, a kind man who is also dealing with his own grief and loneliness. While she does not abandon her cultural identity, she starts to realize that connection does not always mean assimilation. The possibility of a different kind of relationship, one that respects her 'otherness' while offering companionship, begins to appear, hinting at a new chapter in her life that defies her previous expectations and challenges her understanding of belonging.
Principal Figures
Maryam Yazdan
The Protagonist
Maryam slowly and cautiously opens herself to the possibility of a new relationship and a more nuanced understanding of belonging, without fully sacrificing her cultural identity.
Dave Donaldson
The Supporting/Love Interest
Dave moves through intense grief to find a new, unexpected connection with Maryam, demonstrating resilience and an openness to different cultures.
Bitsy Donaldson
The Supporting
Bitsy serves as a vibrant, initial bridge between the two families; her death marks a shift in the novel's tone and character dynamics.
Sami Yazdan
The Supporting
Sami maintains his assimilated American life while supporting his mother's journey and grieving with the Donaldsons.
Ziba Yazdan
The Supporting
Ziba helps to maintain the family connections and supports Maryam through her evolving relationship with Dave.
Jin-Ho Donaldson
The Mentioned
Jin-Ho represents the future generation, a blend of her Korean origins and American upbringing.
Susan Yazdan
The Mentioned
Susan represents the next generation, growing up with a blended cultural identity.
Themes & Insights
Identity and Assimilation
The novel explores what it means to be an American, especially through immigration and cultural background. Maryam Yazdan's struggle to maintain her Iranian identity while living in America for decades is central. She resists assimilation, viewing the Donaldsons' American customs with suspicion and a desire to keep her 'otherness.' In contrast, her son Sami and his wife Ziba represent a more assimilated generation, comfortably mixing their heritage with American life. The adopted daughters, Jin-Ho and Susan, further complicate this theme, as they are American by upbringing but Korean by birth, showing a new, blended identity. The 'arrival parties' highlight the ongoing negotiation of these identities.
““She had spent thirty-five years in this country, and still she hadn’t quite caught on. Still she felt like a visitor.””
Family, Chosen and Biological
Anne Tyler examines the many sides of family, going beyond blood ties to include chosen connections. The initial meeting of the Donaldsons and Yazdans at the airport for their adopted Korean daughters immediately sets up the theme of creating non-biological family. The yearly 'arrival parties' strengthen this bond, forming an extended, connected family that crosses cultural differences. Even after Bitsy's death, the tradition continues, showing the lasting strength of these chosen relationships. Dave's eventual courtship of Maryam further blurs the lines, suggesting that family can be redefined and rebuilt in unexpected ways, offering companionship and belonging where it might not have been expected.
““They were not related by blood, but they were related by story, and that was a kind of blood too.””
Grief and Resilience
The novel shows the impact of grief and the human ability to recover. Bitsy Donaldson's sudden death leaves her husband Dave in deep sorrow, changing the dynamics of the Donaldson family and the yearly parties. Dave's struggle to cope with loneliness and loss is central to his character arc. Maryam also carries her own unspoken grief for a life left behind in Iran, which adds to her 'outsider' status. The story shows how people deal with loss and how, through human connection and time, healing and the chance for new beginnings can appear, even if imperfectly. Dave's ability to eventually seek new companionship shows this recovery.
““It was the silence that got you, he thought. The silence after all the noise had gone.””
The American Experience
Through the contrasting views of the Donaldsons and the Yazdans, the novel offers a nuanced portrayal of the 'American way.' The Donaldsons show a typical American openness, casualness, and loud friendliness, which can be both welcoming and overwhelming. Maryam's 'outsider' perspective offers a critical view of this experience, highlighting parts of American culture—such as a perceived lack of privacy, directness, and loudness—that she finds confusing or intrusive. The annual parties act as a small example of this experience, showing the mixing of cultures, the evolution of traditions, and the constant negotiation between individual identity and collective belonging in a diverse society. It is about how those born here and those who choose to live here interact and see each other.
““Americans, she thought, were always so busy, always so full of plans. They never just sat and were.””
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
The Annual 'Arrival Party'
A recurring celebratory gathering that tracks the passage of time and family evolution.
The 'arrival party' is a central plot device, serving as a recurring event that marks the passage of time, the growth of the children, and the deepening, yet complex, bond between the Donaldson and Yazdan families. It provides a consistent setting for the characters to interact, allowing the reader to observe their evolving relationships and the subtle shifts in their individual lives and cultural understanding. The party's atmosphere changes after Bitsy's death, reflecting the impact of grief, but its continuation symbolizes the enduring strength of the chosen family ties. It highlights the blend of tradition and adaptation, becoming a unique 'American' ritual for these two families.
Contrasting Family Dynamics
The juxtaposition of the boisterous American Donaldsons and the reserved Iranian-American Yazdans.
The stark contrast between the two families' dynamics—the loud, outwardly expressive, and somewhat chaotic Donaldsons versus the quieter, more reserved, and tradition-bound Yazdans (especially Maryam)—serves as a primary plot device. This contrast creates both humor and tension, driving much of the character interaction and highlighting the novel's themes of identity and assimilation. Maryam's observations of the Donaldsons' 'American' ways provide a constant, subtle commentary on cultural differences, while the Donaldsons' acceptance of the Yazdans showcases a different facet of American openness. This device allows for exploration of mutual perceptions and eventual, tentative bridges between these different worlds.
Maryam's 'Outsider' Perspective
The narrative lens of an immigrant observing American culture from a distance.
Maryam Yazdan's consistent 'outsider' perspective functions as a key plot device, filtering much of the American experience for the reader. Her internal monologues and observations about American customs, social interactions, and values provide a unique and often critical commentary on the culture she inhabits but doesn't fully embrace. This perspective allows the novel to explore the 'American way' from a fresh angle, highlighting aspects that might be taken for granted by those born into it. It also underscores her personal struggle with assimilation and identity, making her eventual, tentative connection with Dave all the more significant as a challenge to her long-held beliefs.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
“It was like belonging to a club where the only requirement for membership was being related.”
— Describing the feeling of being part of the complicated Iranian-American family.
“The past was a foreign country; they did things differently there. And the present was starting to feel like another one.”
— Reflecting on generational differences and the changing world from Maryam's perspective.
“She had an uneasy sense that she was living someone else's life, or at least a life that had been chosen for her.”
— Maryam's internal struggle with her identity and the path her life has taken.
“Every family has its own peculiar gravity, a pull that keeps its members orbiting, no matter how far they try to drift.”
— A broader observation about the inescapable bonds of family.
“The whole point of having traditions was to give you something to fall back on when everything else went to pieces.”
— Discussing the importance of traditions, particularly for immigrant families.
“Life was a series of adjustments, wasn't it? Just when you thought you had things figured out, something new came along to mess them up.”
— A pragmatic view on life's unpredictability and the need for adaptability.
“Sometimes it felt as if their lives were just a collection of separate rooms, and they only met in the hallway by accident.”
— Highlighting the sense of disconnect within the large, bustling family.
“He seemed to believe that a good story could fix almost anything, or at least make it bearable.”
— Referring to the grandfather's role as a storyteller and the power of narrative.
“America was a place where you could reinvent yourself, but sometimes you just ended up with a slightly different version of the same old self.”
— Reflecting on the immigrant experience and the challenges of true reinvention.
“She was learning that love wasn't always a grand, sweeping gesture. Sometimes it was just showing up.”
— Maryam's evolving understanding of love and commitment through her family experiences.
“The trick was to keep digging, even when you weren't sure what you were digging for.”
— A metaphor for the ongoing search for meaning, identity, or belonging.
“It was amazing, the things people kept hidden, even from the ones they supposedly loved the most.”
— An observation about secrets and the complexities of human relationships.
“There was a certain comfort in the familiar chaos, a rhythm to the arguments and the laughter that was uniquely theirs.”
— Describing the particular dynamic of the family and finding solace in its idiosyncrasies.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
'Digging to America' explores the cultural clash and eventual intertwining of two families, the American Donaldsons and the Iranian-American Yazdans, who meet while adopting Korean infants. The novel primarily focuses on Maryam Yazdan's struggle with her identity and 'outsiderness' in America, even after decades in the country.
About the author
Anne Tyler is an American novelist, short story writer, and literary critic. She has published twenty-four novels, including Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant (1982), The Accidental Tourist (1985), and Breathing Lessons (1988). All three were finalists for the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, and Breathing Lessons won the prize in 1989. She has also won the Janet Heidinger Kafka Prize, the Ambassador Book Award, and the National Book Critics Circle Award. In 2012 she was awarded The Sunday Times Award for Literary Excellence. Tyler's twentieth novel, A Spool of Blue Thread, was shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize in 2015, and Redhead By the Side of the Road was longlisted for the same award in 2020. She is recognized for her fully developed characters, her "brilliantly imagined and absolutely accurate detail", her "rigorous and artful style", and her "astute and open language."
