“‘But you can’t choose who you fall in love with, can you?’”
— Freya reflecting on her feelings for Leo, despite the complications.
Archivist's Choice
Breathing Under Water
Sophie Hardcastle (2016)
Genre
Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
5-6 hours
Key Themes
See below
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After her twin's death, a young surfer grapples with grief and his shadow, learning to navigate life and first love without him.
Synopsis
Grace and Ben Walker are seventeen-year-old twins in a coastal town, both surfers. Ben is the "golden son," a rising surf star. Grace feels like she is in his shadow, though she is starting a romance with Harley Matthews. Their world breaks when Ben dies in a surfing accident. Grace is overcome by grief, guilt, and the void his death leaves. She pushes away those who try to help. The ocean, once a shared joy, becomes a painful reminder and a reluctant friend as she finds her new reality. Grace must face her memories and unspoken grief. She learns to find her own identity and a way to live again in a world without her twin, gradually finding a path to healing.
Reading time
5-6 hours
Difficulty
Medium
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Emotional, Reflective, Melancholy, Hopeful
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy poignant coming-of-age stories about grief, sibling relationships, and finding strength after loss, especially with a strong sense of place.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer lighthearted reads or find stories centered on significant loss too emotionally heavy.
Plot Summary
Twin Reflections and Coastal Rhythms
Grace Walker, the younger twin, tells about her life in a quiet coastal town, always feeling second to her brother, Ben. Ben is a natural surf talent, charismatic, and popular, the 'golden son.' Grace is also a good surfer but sees herself as his reflection. Their lives center on the ocean; they surf for hours, and their bond is close, almost codependent. As high school ends, the future brings both promise and worries about their separation. Grace is drawn to Harley Matthews, another surfer, hinting at a life outside Ben's immediate world.
A Day Like Any Other
Grace describes a normal, perfect day in their coastal town. She goes to school, deals with typical teenage interactions, and feels a growing connection with Harley Matthews. Their shared love for surfing and easy friendship turn into a tentative romance, marked by a first kiss. This moment shows Grace becoming more independent, defining herself apart from Ben. The day is full of the familiar sights and sounds of their beach life, a sense of youthful strength and the promise of a bright future. The story sets up a strong contrast between this ideal normal and the sudden event that will break it.
The Unthinkable Wave
The Walker twins' world shatters with a surfing accident. Ben, the seemingly strong surf star, drowns. The details are unclear and traumatic for Grace, who cannot process his sudden death. The idea of the 'sun setting at noon' shows the abrupt end to her bright, predictable world. The community is in shock. Grace's grief is overwhelming, showing as numbness and an inability to connect his lively life with his sudden absence. This event marks the novel's turning point, pushing Grace into a painful journey of loss and self-discovery.
The Aftermath of Silence
After Ben's death, Grace is consumed by grief that isolates her. She struggles to talk to her parents, who are also devastated, creating a gap of unspoken pain in the family. Guilt bothers her, especially about unspoken tensions and her growing independence before Ben died. She withdraws from friends, including Harley, finding comfort only in the ocean, which now feels both a painful reminder of Ben and a place she can connect with him. Her once bright world shrinks, dominated by the raw pain of loss and the struggle to find meaning in a world without her twin.
Haunted by Memories
Grace's grief shows in strong, sometimes unsettling ways. She has vivid flashbacks of her life with Ben, reliving their time on the waves, their jokes, and their twin bond. These memories are not just nostalgic; they are intrusive, making Ben's absence more real. She sometimes feels his presence, hears his voice, or sees him nearby, leading to confusion and questioning her sanity. This psychological struggle highlights her deep attachment to Ben and how much his identity was tied to hers. This makes it hard for her to tell the difference between memory, hallucination, and the lasting spiritual connection she feels.
Pushing Away Support
As Grace deals with her loss, her pain often pushes away those who care most. Her parents, deep in their own grief, struggle to reach her. Their attempts to comfort her often feel clumsy or not enough to Grace. Her relationship with Harley, which had just begun, falters under her sorrow. She pushes him away, unable to accept his sympathy or share her deepest pain, fearing a new relationship would betray Ben. This isolation, while a coping method, only deepens her suffering, leaving her feeling alone in her pain, unable to accept the love and support offered by her fracturing world.
The Ocean as Confidante
The ocean, once a shared place with Ben, becomes Grace's main sanctuary and tormentor. She returns to the waves, not to surf with joy, but to feel closer to him. Each wave seems to hold his memory. She spends hours in the water, sometimes just floating, sometimes trying to surf, always looking for a connection to him. This act is both helpful and self-harming, as the ocean reminds her of their past and the reality of his absence. It is in these moments, 'breathing under water,' that she struggles most with her grief, trying to understand the incomprehensible.
A Glimmer of Hope with Harley
Despite Grace trying to push him away, Harley Matthews remains a steady, though often frustrated, presence in her life. He does not give up on her, gently trying to reconnect and offer support without asking for anything back. He understands her pain, having seen the close bond between the twins and the impact of Ben's death. His quiet persistence, his willingness to simply 'be there,' eventually starts to break down Grace's protective wall. He represents a bridge back to the living world, a reminder that life, and even love, can continue after great loss, even if it feels impossible.
Confronting the Unspoken
As time goes on, Grace slowly starts to uncover her grief, facing not just Ben's absence but also their twin bond. She deals with feelings of envy toward his easy popularity and always feeling 'second.' She also faces the guilt of starting her own path with Harley just before Ben died. This introspection is painful but needed, letting her acknowledge all her emotions towards Ben, both deep love and subtle resentments. This internal reckoning is key for her to move toward healing and a fuller understanding of herself.
Learning to Breathe Again
Through Harley's steady support and her own self-reflection, Grace slowly begins the hard process of healing. She learns that healing means carrying Ben's memory without being consumed by it. She starts to live again, finding moments of joy and connection. The ocean, while still a place of remembrance, also begins to feel like a place for her own renewal. This phase is about learning to 'breathe under water' – to live with the pain of loss while still finding the capacity for life, growth, and happiness. She redefines her identity, not just as Ben's twin, but as an individual who has loved deeply and survived an unimaginable loss.
A New Horizon
Near the novel's end, Grace has made good progress in her healing. She can remember Ben with love and peace, rather than overwhelming pain and guilt. Her relationship with Harley has grown deeper, giving her companionship and a gentle anchor to the present. She knows Ben will always be part of her, but his memory no longer defines her entirely. She looks to the future with new strength and a clearer sense of her own identity, separate from her twin. This does not mean the pain is completely gone, but she has learned to live with it, to carry her grief as part of her story, and to embrace her own life's possibilities.
Principal Figures
Grace Walker
The Protagonist
Grace transforms from a girl living in her brother's shadow to a resilient young woman who learns to embrace her individual identity and live with profound loss.
Ben Walker
The Supporting/Catalyst
Ben's arc is cut short; his story is told through Grace's memories, highlighting his impact on her life.
Harley Matthews
The Supporting
Harley remains a consistent, supportive character, his patience and understanding facilitating Grace's healing.
Mr. and Mrs. Walker
The Supporting
Their arc shows the devastating impact of loss on parents and the struggle to navigate family grief.
Themes & Insights
Grief and Loss
The novel explores grief, especially the sorrow of losing a sibling, particularly a twin. Grace's journey through denial, guilt, anger, and acceptance is central. The story shows how grief can isolate people, strain family ties, and blur memory and reality. It shows that healing is not forgetting, but learning to include loss in one's life, as seen in Grace's struggle to find comfort in the ocean and her eventual ability to remember Ben with love rather than consuming pain.
“The sun sets at noon and suddenly everything that was safe and predictable is lost. And everything unravels.”
Identity and Self-Discovery
Grace's struggle for identity is a main theme, made worse by being a twin. Before Ben's death, she feels like a 'reflection of his light,' always defining herself by him. His absence forces her to face who she is without him, leading to a painful but freeing journey of self-discovery. She must learn to separate her own desires, talents, and future from the intertwined life she shared with Ben. This process is clear in her growing relationship with Harley and her acceptance of her unique path.
“On the official documentation, he is older . . . Although it really has nothing to do with age. What it really means is that I am, and have always been, second.”
The Power of Nature (The Ocean)
The ocean is a strong symbol throughout the novel. At first, it represents freedom, joy, and the strong bond between Grace and Ben as they surf. After Ben's death, the ocean becomes a complex symbol of both deep grief and possible healing. It is where he died, a constant reminder of her loss, but also a place where Grace feels closest to him, finding a strange comfort and a place to process her emotions. Her ability to 'breathe under water' metaphorically shows her ability to live with great sorrow.
“The ocean was our church, our playground, our confessional. It was where we were most ourselves, most free.”
Love and Connection
The novel explores different kinds of love: the intense bond between twins, parents' lasting love for their children, and the new romantic love between Grace and Harley. It shows how love can bring great joy and deep pain. Grace's love for Ben is so deep that his loss leaves a void. But through Harley's love and patience, she starts to reconnect with the world and finds a path to healing and a new kind of connection. The story suggests that love, even when absent, continues to shape us.
“He was my other half, the one who understood the unspoken language of my soul.”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
First-Person Narration
Grace's subjective and intimate perspective on her grief.
The story is told entirely from Grace's point of view, allowing readers deep insight into her internal world, her raw emotions, and her struggle to process Ben's death. This perspective emphasizes her isolation and the intensely personal nature of her grief, making her experiences feel immediate and authentic. It also creates a strong sense of empathy, as readers witness her thoughts, memories, and her slow, arduous journey towards healing directly through her eyes, enhancing the emotional impact of the narrative.
Symbolism of the Ocean
The ocean represents life, death, memory, and healing.
The ocean is a multifaceted symbol in the novel. Initially, it symbolizes the twins' shared life, freedom, and joy. After Ben's drowning, it transforms into a potent symbol of loss, grief, and the place where Grace feels closest to his memory. It also represents the overwhelming nature of her sorrow, as she metaphorically 'breathes under water.' Ultimately, it becomes a place of potential healing and a space for her to reconnect with herself, signifying the cyclical nature of life and death and the possibility of finding peace amidst chaos.
Flashbacks and Memory
Interspersed memories of Ben to highlight the depth of loss and his impact.
The narrative frequently incorporates flashbacks to Grace's life with Ben before his death. These memories are not simply nostalgic; they are intrusive and often painful, highlighting the stark contrast between her past happiness and present grief. They serve to flesh out Ben's character, emphasize the profound depth of their bond, and illustrate how deeply his absence affects Grace's perception of reality. These fragmented memories contribute to Grace's internal struggle and her difficulty in letting go of the past.
Foreshadowing (Subtle)
Hints of underlying tension and the fragility of their perfect world.
While the tragedy is sudden, there are subtle hints of underlying tensions and the fragility of Grace and Ben's idyllic world. Grace's constant feeling of being 'second' and her burgeoning independence with Harley suggest a shift in their dynamic, implying that their intertwined lives were already at a crossroads. This foreshadowing is not overt but rather serves to underscore the sense that change was inevitable, making Ben's sudden death even more impactful as it violently accelerates these underlying currents of separation and individual identity.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
“‘Maybe the strongest people are the ones who allow themselves to be vulnerable.’”
— Freya's internal thought about strength and emotional openness.
“‘It was like we were breathing under water, in our own world, where nothing else mattered.’”
— Describing an intimate and all-consuming moment between Freya and Leo.
“‘Sometimes the most beautiful things are the most broken.’”
— Freya's observation about people and their imperfections.
“‘He was like a song I’d always known, even though I’d never heard it before.’”
— Freya's immediate and deep connection to Leo.
“‘The world kept turning, but for a moment, ours had stopped.’”
— A description of a profound moment of connection, where time seems to stand still.
“‘Maybe growing up means learning to live with the things you can’t change.’”
— Freya's reflection on the challenges and realities of life.
“‘You don’t just fall in love with someone’s good parts. You fall in love with all of them.’”
— A character discussing the comprehensive nature of true love.
“‘Every wave that crashed reminded me of how small I was, and how big everything else was.’”
— Freya's contemplation while at the ocean, feeling a sense of perspective.
“‘Silence can be the loudest sound when you’re waiting for something important.’”
— Freya experiencing anxious anticipation for a message or encounter.
“‘Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go, even when you know it’s for the best.’”
— A character struggling with the decision to move on from a difficult situation.
“‘He saw me, really saw me, for the first time, and it felt like coming home.’”
— Freya's feeling of being truly understood and accepted by Leo.
“‘The future was a blank page, and I was holding the pen.’”
— Freya's realization about her agency and control over her own destiny.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
'Breathing Under Water' centers on twin siblings, Grace and Ben Walker, who share an exceptionally close bond and a passion for surfing in their sleepy coastal town. The narrative explores Grace's feelings of being secondary to her 'golden boy' brother, Ben, especially as they approach the cusp of adulthood and their lives begin to diverge with new relationships and future plans.
