“I was dead. Not mostly dead, not a little dead, but comatose, hooked up to machines, and my body was starting to rot.”
— Jules reflects on her physical state after the car crash.
Archivist's Choice
Before I Wake
Rachel Vincent (2012)
Genre
Fantasy / Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
270 min
Key Themes
See below
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After being murdered by a soul-stealing monster, a teenage girl navigates high school, a new reaper boyfriend, and reclaiming stolen souls, all while faking her own life to stay visible in the human world.
Synopsis
Kaylee Cavanaugh, now a reaper, struggles after being murdered and resurrected. She fakes her existence, attending high school and maintaining relationships, especially with her reaper boyfriend, Tod. As a reaper, she must reclaim stolen souls to earn her place among the living. Her first assignment puts her against an old, powerful enemy who previously tried to steal her soul. This encounter shows that her immortality as a reaper won't protect her, and she must confront the danger of losing not only her own soul but also the souls she protects, leading to a confrontation where she must defeat her enemy.
Reading time
270 min
Difficulty
Easy
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Supernatural, Romantic, Adventurous, Suspenseful
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy supernatural YA romance with a strong female protagonist who navigates the complexities of an afterlife while still dealing with high school drama.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer fantasy without a significant romantic subplot or are looking for a very complex, high-fantasy world-building experience.
Plot Summary
The Aftermath of Death
Kaylee Cavanaugh wakes up in a hospital bed, alive but changed. She remembers dying, killed by a Mara, a soul-stealing monster. Now, she is a Bean Sidhe, a death banshee, able to see the supernatural world. Her boyfriend, Nash Hudson, is a reaper, and his soul-kiss brought her back. Her best friend, Emma, does not know about the supernatural events. Kaylee's father, a police officer, worries about her mental state, thinking it is trauma. Kaylee deals with her new life, including her heightened senses and the need to 'feed' on emotions to stay human, all while trying to act like a normal high school student.
A New Assignment
Kaylee learns from Nash that as a resurrected Bean Sidhe, she has a purpose: to reclaim stolen souls. Her first task is to get back the soul of a girl named Addison, which was taken by a Mara. This task is dangerous, as Maras are powerful and evil creatures. Kaylee struggles with the moral questions of her new role, questioning the system that makes her put herself in danger. Nash supports her but is also firm about her responsibilities. He begins to train her, teaching her about the supernatural world and how to use her abilities, including her scream, which can temporarily stun supernatural beings.
The Return of an Old Foe
As Kaylee investigates Addison's case, she realizes the Mara responsible is Tod, the same creature who killed her. This fills her with fear and a desire for revenge. Tod, a powerful and manipulative Mara, has been living among humans, disguised as a normal teenager named Tod Hudson, Nash's younger brother. This makes things much harder, as Tod has Nash's trust and is close to their lives. Kaylee must deal with her strong personal feelings while trying to fulfill her duty to reclaim Addison's soul, all while keeping her true nature a secret from most of the human world, especially her family and Emma.
Unveiling Tod's Deception
Kaylee tries to convince Nash of Tod's true identity as a Mara and his role in Addison's soul theft. However, Nash is very protective of his brother and struggles to believe Kaylee's accusations, thinking they are due to her trauma and anger from her own death. This creates much tension between Kaylee and Nash, as Kaylee feels alone and frustrated by his disbelief. She gathers evidence, observing Tod's suspicious behavior and the unsettling feeling he gives off, but struggles to show concrete proof that Nash will accept. The emotional stress on Kaylee is huge, as she is fighting not only a monster but also the doubt of the person she loves.
Addison's Deterioration
Addison, the girl whose soul was stolen, starts to show serious signs of decline. She becomes more withdrawn, unresponsive, and physically weak, much like Kaylee experienced after her own soul was targeted. Her family, unaware of the supernatural cause, thinks her decline is due to a mysterious illness. Kaylee sees Addison's suffering firsthand, which strengthens her resolve to get back the stolen soul. The ticking clock adds great pressure to Kaylee's mission, making her more desperate to expose Tod and reclaim what he took. The clear picture of Addison's decline is a constant reminder of the stakes involved and the real danger that Maras pose to human life.
A Dangerous Confrontation
Kaylee, unable to wait for Nash to believe her, confronts Tod directly. This is dangerous, as Tod is a powerful and clever Mara. During their talk, Tod taunts Kaylee, revealing details about her death and his enjoyment of the chaos he creates. He confirms he is responsible for Addison's condition and subtly threatens Kaylee, showing his control and evil. This encounter confirms Kaylee's understanding of Tod's evil nature and makes it clear that he will not willingly give up the soul. The confrontation also makes Kaylee feel more alone, as she is forced to face this threat mostly by herself, without Nash's full support.
Nash's Realization
Through a series of planned events, Kaylee manages to show Nash Tod's true nature. This often involves Tod revealing his Mara form or showing his powers in a way that Nash can no longer deny. The realization is crushing for Nash, who must accept that his younger brother is a monster. This moment changes their relationship, as Nash's loyalty shifts from his brother to Kaylee and the urgent need to stop Tod. Overwhelmed by betrayal and guilt, Nash promises to help Kaylee in any way he can, finally understanding the seriousness of the situation and the threat Tod poses.
Formulating a Plan
With Nash finally on board, Kaylee, Nash, and surprisingly, Emma, who is told about the supernatural world, begin to make a plan to reclaim Addison's soul. Emma, despite her initial shock, proves to be resourceful and determined. They realize they need a way to trap or stop Tod long enough to get the soul. Their plan involves using Kaylee's scream, Nash's reaper abilities, and Emma's human cleverness to create a distraction and a way to hold him. The stakes are very high, as failure means Addison's permanent death and potential danger to themselves. They carefully plan their approach, anticipating Tod's cunning and power.
The Showdown
The trio carries out their plan, confronting Tod in a tense and dangerous showdown. The location is often somewhere Tod feels safe, like his own home or a place he visits often. Kaylee uses her powerful banshee scream, temporarily stunning Tod, while Nash uses his reaper abilities to bind him. Emma, despite her lack of supernatural powers, plays an important role, often creating a distraction or getting a vital object. Tod fights back fiercely, using his illusions and manipulation to try and break their resolve. The battle tests their combined strength, courage, and their bond, pushing them to their limits against a strong enemy.
Reclaiming the Soul
During the intense struggle, Kaylee manages to reach Addison's stolen soul, which Tod keeps hidden within his own being or a magical container. This is a delicate and dangerous process, requiring great focus and power from Kaylee. As she reclaims the soul, Tod feels pain and weakness, further fueling Kaylee's determination. Once the soul is free, Kaylee must then return it to Addison. This act is often shown with a bright flash of light or a burst of energy. Addison, who was near death, begins to recover almost immediately, showing Kaylee's success and the power of her new abilities.
Tod's Fate and Aftermath
Tod is defeated, his power lessened after losing Addison's soul. While he is no longer an immediate threat, his final fate is somewhat unclear; he might be banished, imprisoned, or simply weakened. The confrontation leaves Kaylee, Nash, and Emma shaken but victorious. Addison fully recovers, though she has no memory of the supernatural events. Kaylee deals with the emotional and physical toll of the battle, as well as what her new role means. She understands that her life as a Bean Sidhe is just beginning, and more dangers surely lie ahead, but she faces them with a stronger sense of purpose and the support of Nash and Emma.
Principal Figures
Kaylee Cavanaugh
The Protagonist
Kaylee transforms from a bewildered victim into a powerful and determined supernatural protector, embracing her identity as a Bean Sidhe.
Nash Hudson
The Supporting
Nash grows from a secretive protector to a fully trusting and supportive partner for Kaylee, overcoming his familial loyalties for the greater good.
Tod Hudson
The Antagonist
Tod remains a consistently evil and manipulative force, his villainy exposed and temporarily thwarted but his core nature unchanged.
Emma
The Supporting
Emma transforms from an oblivious best friend to a trusted and capable human ally within the supernatural world.
Addison
The Mentioned
Addison is a victim who is rescued, serving as a catalyst for Kaylee's development, and is restored to her normal life.
Mr. Cavanaugh
The Supporting
He remains a concerned but ultimately uninformed parental figure, representing the human world Kaylee must protect and conceal her true self from.
Themes & Insights
Identity and Acceptance
Kaylee deals with her new identity as a Bean Sidhe, a supernatural being with power and responsibility. Her initial struggle is accepting that she is no longer fully human and understanding what that means for her life, relationships, and purpose. This theme is clear in her attempts to hide her abilities from her father and Emma, and her internal struggle over the violence and danger of her new role. She must learn to accept her powers and the person she has become, rather than fighting against it, as seen when she finally uses her full scream against Tod.
“I was dead. And now I was alive. But I wasn't me anymore.”
Love and Loyalty
The novel explores love and loyalty through Kaylee and Nash's relationship, and Nash's bond with his brother, Tod. Kaylee's love for Nash is tested by his initial inability to believe her about Tod's true nature. Nash's loyalty to his brother, despite Kaylee's warnings, creates much tension and conflict, making him choose between family and the truth. Ultimately, Nash's love for Kaylee and his moral sense lead him to break his loyalty to Tod, showing that true loyalty must be earned and is not blind. This is clear when Nash finally sees Tod's true form and fully aligns himself with Kaylee.
“How could I choose between the person I loved and the brother I'd always protected?”
Good vs. Evil
The main conflict of the story is the battle between good and evil, shown by Kaylee (and the reapers) against Tod (the Mara). Maras represent pure evil, enjoying human suffering and soul theft, while Kaylee's role as a Bean Sidhe is to restore balance and protect the innocent. This theme is not always simple, as Nash's initial loyalty to Tod blurs the lines, suggesting that evil can hide behind familiar faces. The novel emphasizes the importance of fighting for what is right, even when things are difficult, and that evil must be faced directly, as Kaylee does with Tod.
“Some monsters wear human skin. And sometimes, the heroes don't have a choice but to fight.”
Consequences of Actions
The book shows how actions, both human and supernatural, have serious consequences. Kaylee's death and resurrection lead to her new life as a Bean Sidhe, forcing her to carry the weight of supernatural responsibilities. Tod's actions of stealing souls have terrible effects on his victims, like Addison, and ultimately lead to his confrontation with Kaylee and Nash. Even seemingly small choices, like Nash's initial disbelief of Kaylee, have big effects on their relationship and the safety of others. The story consistently shows that choices have ripple effects, demanding accountability from its characters.
“Every choice you make, Kaylee, has a price. And for us, that price is often deadly.”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
The Soul-Kiss
A magical kiss from a reaper that can bring a person back from the dead or drain their life force.
The soul-kiss is a pivotal plot device in 'Before I Wake.' It is the means by which Kaylee is resurrected by Nash, establishing their deep, supernatural connection. This ability also highlights Nash's nature as a reaper. The soul-kiss is not only a source of life but also a potential weapon, as it can be used to drain a person's life force. Its existence raises the stakes for Kaylee, as her continued existence is intrinsically linked to this supernatural act, and it foreshadows the power dynamics and dangers within the supernatural world.
The Banshee Scream
Kaylee's innate supernatural ability to emit a powerful, disorienting scream.
The banshee scream is Kaylee's primary offensive and defensive power as a Bean Sidhe. It is a primal, sonic attack that can stun, disorient, and temporarily incapacitate supernatural beings, including Maras. The scream is initially uncontrollable and terrifying for Kaylee, symbolizing her struggle with her new identity. As she learns to control it, it becomes a potent weapon, crucial in her confrontations with Tod. The scream not only showcases her power but also represents her emotional state, often being triggered by fear, anger, or a desperate need to protect.
The Mara's Disguise
The ability of Maras to appear as normal humans, often charming and manipulative.
The Mara's disguise is a crucial plot device that allows Tod to infiltrate human society and manipulate those around him, most notably Nash. This device creates suspense and tension, as Kaylee knows Tod's true nature but struggles to convince others. It highlights the insidious nature of evil, which often hides in plain sight and exploits trust. The disguise also serves to heighten Kaylee's isolation and the difficulty of her mission, as she must fight a monster who looks like her boyfriend's brother, making it harder to expose him.
Soul-Stealing
The Maras' ability to steal human souls, leaving their victims as empty shells.
Soul-stealing is the central conflict driver of the narrative. It is the act that sets Kaylee's mission in motion, as she is tasked with reclaiming Addison's stolen soul. This plot device establishes the dire consequences of the Maras' actions, depicting victims like Addison as slowly dying and unresponsive, serving as a constant reminder of the stakes. It also directly ties into Kaylee's own past trauma, as she was a victim of soul-stealing herself, giving her a personal connection and fierce determination to stop Tod.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
“Being dead didn't mean I was out of danger. It meant the danger had changed.”
— Jules realizes her new existence comes with its own set of threats.
“Love wasn't a choice. It was a force that pushed you, pulled you, made you do things you'd never imagined.”
— Jules contemplates the powerful, uncontrollable nature of her feelings for Asher.
“He wasn't just my protector. He was my anchor, the only thing keeping me from floating away into nothingness.”
— Jules describes Asher's vital role in her new, ethereal existence.
“Sometimes the hardest thing to do was to let go of what you thought you knew, and embrace the impossible.”
— Jules struggles to accept the supernatural realities of her situation.
“My body was a cage, but my mind was free. And my mind was where the real fight was.”
— Jules understands the mental battle she faces while her body is comatose.
“The past wasn't just behind you. It was a part of you, shaping every step you took.”
— Jules reflects on how her previous life and choices impact her current predicament.
“I was a ghost haunting my own life, watching it slip away.”
— Jules observes her comatose body and the lives of her loved ones from a detached perspective.
“Hope was a dangerous thing, a flickering flame that could be extinguished with a single breath.”
— Jules considers the fragility of hope in her dire circumstances.
“He saw me, truly saw me, not just the girl in the hospital bed, but the soul trapped between worlds.”
— Jules appreciates Asher's unique ability to perceive her true, ethereal self.
“Every choice had a ripple effect, spreading out and touching lives you never even knew existed.”
— Jules contemplates the far-reaching consequences of her actions and the car accident.
“Fear was a cold hand gripping my heart, but defiance was a fire in my belly.”
— Jules describes her internal struggle between terror and determination.
“The boundary between life and death was thinner than I'd ever imagined. A mere whisper.”
— Jules's experience highlights the permeability of the veil between worlds.
“Sometimes, the only way to save yourself was to trust someone else completely.”
— Jules learns to rely on Asher despite her initial reluctance and independent nature.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
The book centers on Kaylee Cavanaugh, a teenage girl who dies on a Thursday, killed by a soul-stealing monster. She returns as a 'bean sidhe' (banshee), able to see and interact with reapers and the supernatural world, while also struggling to maintain her visibility and connection to the human world.
About the author
Biography coming soon.
