““I think… I think I’m in love with you.””
— Tanner finally admitting his feelings to Sebastian.
Archivist's Choice
Autoboyography
Christina Lauren (2017)
Genre
Young Adult / Romance
Reading Time
280 min
Key Themes
See below
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In a conservative Utah town, a bisexual teen ready to escape for college finds his plans derailed and his heart captivated when he falls for his Mormon writing mentor during a prestigious high school seminar.
Synopsis
Tanner Scott, a bisexual teen, spent three years closeted after his family moved to conservative Provo, Utah. With one semester left before college freedom, he planned to coast. However, a dare from his best friend, Autumn, led him to enroll in Provo High's Seminar, a class where students write a novel in a semester. There, he met Sebastian Brother, a charismatic Mormon former Seminar student who now mentors the class. Despite their different backgrounds and Sebastian's commitment to his faith, they felt an undeniable connection. As Tanner fell in love, he and Sebastian had a secret relationship, dealing with family, faith, and community pressures. Tanner's novel ultimately revealed their hidden romance, leading to heartbreaking consequences for Sebastian within his church and family. The couple broke up under duress, and Tanner left for college, but hope remained for their future.
Reading time
280 min
Difficulty
Medium
Pacing
Moderate
Mood
Heartfelt, Angsty, Tender, Hopeful
✓ Read this if...
You enjoy forbidden romance, coming-of-age stories, and narratives exploring the intersection of faith and identity in a conservative setting.
✗ Skip this if...
You are looking for a lighthearted romance with no significant conflict or are sensitive to stories involving religious and societal pressure.
Plot Summary
The Dare and the Seminar
Tanner Scott, from California, spent the last three years in Provo, Utah, mostly closeted due to its conservative Mormon culture. With only one semester left before college, he planned to stay quiet. However, his best friend, Autumn, dared him to enroll in Provo High's Seminar, an elective where students write a novel in a semester. Tanner, skeptical and wanting to show how silly it was, agreed. He saw it as a temporary stop before escaping to an out-of-state college where he could be himself. This sudden decision set the stage for unexpected problems in his carefully planned final semester.
Meeting Sebastian Brother
In the Seminar class, Tanner immediately noticed Sebastian Brother. Sebastian was not just a student; he was a local celebrity, a devout Mormon, and a published author whose Seminar novel was a hit the year before. He now mentored the class, specifically Tanner's group. Tanner felt drawn to Sebastian's quiet intensity, intelligence, and good looks. Despite Sebastian's seemingly out-of-reach status and religious background, Tanner felt a pull he had not expected or wanted, especially given his plans for a quiet exit from Provo.
The Spark of Connection
As the Seminar continued, Tanner and Sebastian worked closely, with Sebastian mentoring Tanner's novel. Their talks quickly went beyond academics. Tanner found himself opening up to Sebastian, sharing his thoughts and vulnerabilities, and Sebastian shared his own quiet insights. They spent hours together, in and out of class, discussing books, life, and their hopes. This shared intellectual and emotional closeness created a strong, unspoken bond between them, making it harder for Tanner to ignore his growing feelings, despite the clear obstacles.
Navigating Forbidden Feelings
Tanner quickly realized he was falling in love with Sebastian. Sebastian, a devoted member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, struggled with his own complex feelings for Tanner. His faith taught that homosexuality was a sin, and he was expected to marry a woman and raise a family within the church. This internal conflict created great tension between them. Sebastian's struggle was clear; he was drawn to Tanner but torn between his desires and his deeply held religious beliefs and the expectations of his family and community. Their connection became a dangerous secret, full of unspoken longing and fear of discovery.
The First Kiss and its Aftermath
One evening, while working late on their novels, the tension between Tanner and Sebastian led to a spontaneous, passionate kiss. This moment confirmed their mutual attraction and the depth of their feelings. However, the immediate aftermath was full of confusion and fear. Sebastian, overwhelmed by guilt and the conflict with his faith, pulled away, leaving Tanner heartbroken and unsure about their future. The kiss, while a strong sign of their love, also highlighted the seemingly impossible gap between Tanner's open bisexuality and Sebastian's deep religious beliefs and Provo's conservative environment.
A Secret Relationship
Unable to deny their feelings, Tanner and Sebastian began a secret relationship. They met in secluded places — empty classrooms after hours, hidden library corners, or late-night drives — always careful not to be seen together romantically. These secret meetings were filled with stolen kisses, whispered confessions, and the shared intimacy of their writing. Their relationship was beautiful but also very stressful, constantly overshadowed by the fear of discovery, especially by Sebastian's strict Mormon family and the close-knit community. Tanner felt deeply invested, but the secrecy took a toll, showing how uncertain their love was.
Family and Faith Pressures
As their relationship deepened, Sebastian faced growing pressure from his family and church. His parents, devout Mormons, wanted him to date a nice Mormon girl and prepare for his two-year mission trip, a major event in the LDS church. Sebastian was torn, caught between his love for Tanner and his family's expectations, his faith, and the life path he had always imagined. He felt immense guilt and internal conflict, struggling to match his identity and desires with the teachings and community he grew up in. This pressure made their secret relationship even more fragile and dangerous.
The Unveiling of Tanner's Novel
As the Seminar ended, students had to present their finished novels. Tanner's novel, 'Autoboyography,' was a raw, honest, and thinly disguised account of his life in Provo, his bisexuality, and his forbidden love for Sebastian. While he changed names and details, the emotional truth was clear to anyone who knew him, especially Sebastian. The novel caused a stir in the class and eventually beyond, as it openly discussed same-sex love and the challenges of being queer in a conservative environment. Tanner's brave act of writing his truth forced a confrontation with his and Sebastian's reality.
Sebastian's Confession and Consequence
Moved and inspired by Tanner's novel, Sebastian made the difficult decision to confess his feelings for Tanner to his family and his bishop. This confession shattered his carefully built life. His family reacted with shock and dismay, struggling to accept his admission with their religious beliefs. The bishop, while offering 'help,' stressed the church's stance against homosexual relationships. Sebastian faced intense pressure to 'correct' his path, including counseling and a renewed focus on his mission. This brave, yet devastating, confession brought their secret relationship into the harsh light of judgment and expectation.
The Breakup and the Mission
Overwhelmed by pressure from his family, church, and his own internal conflict, Sebastian made the heartbreaking decision to end his relationship with Tanner. He told Tanner he needed to prioritize his faith and family, and that he would go on his mission. Tanner was devastated, feeling abandoned and betrayed, even though he understood the immense forces Sebastian faced. This breakup marked the apparent end of their love story, leaving Tanner to deal with profound heartbreak and the realization that their love, no matter how strong, could not overcome the societal and religious barriers in Provo.
Life Apart, But Not Forgotten
After the painful breakup, Tanner left Provo for California to attend college, embracing the freedom and openness he had wanted. He could live authentically, but Sebastian remained in his thoughts and heart. Meanwhile, Sebastian began his two-year mission trip, dedicating himself to his faith. Despite the physical distance and their different paths, the emotional impact of their relationship continued to affect both of them deeply. They lived separate lives, fulfilling different destinies, but the love they shared and the lessons learned remained a lasting part of their identities and experiences.
A Glimmer of Hope
Years passed, and both Tanner and Sebastian matured. While details of their reunion or renewed contact are hinted at rather than stated, the story suggests a glimmer of hope for their future. This could be a chance meeting, a letter, or an unexpected message that rekindles their connection. The ending implies that while their paths diverged due to outside pressures, the deep love and understanding they shared might still have a chance to grow in a different time and place, suggesting the lasting power of their bond beyond Provo and Sebastian's mission.
Principal Figures
Tanner Scott
The Protagonist
Tanner moves from a place of cautious self-preservation to one of courageous self-expression, ultimately finding his voice and embracing his identity fully.
Sebastian Brother
The Love Interest / Supporting
Sebastian grapples with his identity and faith, making a difficult choice that prioritizes his religious obligations, but not without significant personal cost and lingering uncertainty.
Autumn
The Supporting
Autumn remains a steadfast friend, offering consistent emotional support and a sense of normalcy amidst Tanner's romantic turmoil.
Mrs. Albright
The Supporting
Mrs. Albright consistently provides a nurturing environment for her students' creative and personal growth.
Tanner's Mom
The Supporting
Tanner's mom remains a consistent source of unconditional love and support for him.
Sebastian's Parents
The Supporting
Sebastian's parents maintain their traditional religious beliefs, which directly conflict with Sebastian's emerging identity.
Themes & Insights
Identity vs. Conformity
This theme explores how individuals, especially queer youth, struggle to keep their true identity when societal and religious pressures demand conformity. Tanner, an openly bisexual teen in California, had to go back into the closet in conservative Provo. His journey to write 'Autoboyography' is a strong act of reclaiming his identity. Sebastian shows this struggle even more acutely, torn between his Mormon faith and community expectations, and his attraction to Tanner. The conflict between who they are and who they are expected to be drives much of the story, showing the painful choices individuals make to either embrace or hide their true selves. The Seminar class itself helps reveal this theme, asking for authenticity while existing in a restrictive setting.
“Maybe love was a choice. Maybe I could choose to love a girl. Maybe it was something I could fix. But I didn’t want to fix it. I wanted Tanner.”
The Power of Storytelling and Art
Writing and storytelling are central to the novel, acting as both a start for romance and a way to express oneself and heal. The Seminar class itself focuses on writing a novel, and through this shared creative work, Tanner and Sebastian connect. Tanner's novel, 'Autoboyography,' becomes a strong way for him to express his hidden feelings and experiences, eventually forcing a confrontation with his and Sebastian's reality. The vulnerability and honesty in sharing one's story become a form of activism and a way to build understanding, even when facing judgment. The story shows how art can be a mirror, a weapon, and a safe place.
“Writing was the only place I felt truly brave. The only place I could say exactly what I wanted to say, without fear of judgment or consequence.”
Forbidden Love and Sacrifice
The central romance between Tanner and Sebastian is 'forbidden' because of Sebastian's Mormon faith and Provo's conservative culture. Their love grows in secret, filled with constant fear of discovery and the knowledge that it goes against everything Sebastian was taught. This theme explores the sacrifices made for love, or the sacrifices made for duty and faith. Sebastian's decision to break up with Tanner and go on his mission is a deep act of sacrifice, putting his family and religious duties over his happiness. The novel looks at the pain and complexity of such choices, and whether true love can ever be truly stopped by outside pressures.
“How could something that felt so right be so wrong?”
Coming Out and Self-Acceptance
While Tanner is already out to himself and his family, his time in Provo forces him to navigate being 'in the closet' again, showing the ongoing process of coming out in different situations. For Sebastian, the journey is far more internal and difficult. His struggle to accept his sexuality, which his faith sees as a sin, is a central part of his character arc. The novel shows the bravery needed to face one's true self, especially when it conflicts with deep beliefs and societal expectations. The different levels of self-acceptance and the challenges of living authentically are explored through both main characters.
“I was out and proud in California. In Provo, I was just... careful.”
Community and Belonging
The novel clearly shows the strong sense of community within the Mormon church in Provo, offering both comfort and limits. For Sebastian, this community provides belonging and purpose, but also great pressure to conform. For Tanner, an outsider, the community feels isolating and judgmental, forcing him to hide parts of himself. The theme explores how communities can shape individual identities and choices, and the tension between wanting to belong and needing to be authentic. The contrast between Tanner's accepting family and Sebastian's devout one further highlights how different communities affect one's journey of self-discovery.
“This was Sebastian's life, the one he'd been born into, the one that held him tight. And I was the wrench.”
Plot Devices & Literary Techniques
The Seminar Class
A prestigious high school writing class where students craft a novel in a semester.
The Seminar class serves as the central setting and catalyst for the entire plot. It brings Tanner and Sebastian together, providing a legitimate reason for their prolonged and intimate interactions. The requirement to write a novel acts as a powerful narrative device, allowing both characters to explore their inner worlds and, for Tanner, to express his forbidden feelings through his 'Autoboyography.' It creates a structured environment that paradoxically fosters unstructured emotional development, leading to the climax of Tanner's literary confession and Sebastian's subsequent crisis. The class is where their intellectual and emotional connection deepens, paving the way for their romance.
Tanner's Novel: 'Autoboyography'
A thinly veiled autobiographical novel written by Tanner, detailing his experiences and feelings for Sebastian.
Tanner's novel is a crucial plot device. It functions as a direct expression of his truth and his love for Sebastian, serving as his 'coming out' to the world of Provo and to Sebastian's community. By writing his story, Tanner articulates the unspoken, forcing the hidden romance into the open. The novel acts as a catalyst for Sebastian's confession to his family and bishop, directly leading to the climax and resolution of their relationship. It highlights the power of art to reveal truth and instigate change, even at great personal cost, making it the emotional core of the narrative.
Sebastian's Mormon Faith
Sebastian's deep religious beliefs and the expectations of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Sebastian's Mormon faith is the primary obstacle and source of conflict in the relationship between him and Tanner. It establishes the 'forbidden' nature of their love, as the church's teachings condemn homosexual relationships. This device creates intense internal struggle for Sebastian, torn between his love for Tanner and his devotion to his faith, family, and community. It drives his guilt, his secrecy, and ultimately his heartbreaking decision to break up with Tanner and go on his mission. The faith acts as an external and internal force that shapes Sebastian's choices and the tragic arc of their initial romance.
Provo, Utah Setting
A highly conservative and predominantly Mormon city.
The setting of Provo, Utah, is more than just a backdrop; it is a character in itself, embodying the societal pressures and constraints that define Tanner and Sebastian's relationship. Its conservative, religious atmosphere forces Tanner back into the closet and intensifies Sebastian's internal conflict. The constant threat of exposure in such a close-knit community adds suspense and tension to their secret romance. The contrast between Provo's restrictive environment and Tanner's Californian upbringing highlights the theme of identity versus conformity, making the geographical location integral to the story's central conflict and the characters' struggles.
Critical analysis
Notable Quotes
““When you’re a closeted gay kid in a small town, you learn how to be an actor. You learn how to lie. You learn how to hide.””
— Tanner reflecting on his life before moving to Utah.
““The truth is, I don’t know who I am anymore. And that’s terrifying.””
— Sebastian struggling with his faith and sexuality.
““Maybe it’s not about finding someone to complete you. Maybe it’s about finding someone who lets you complete yourself.””
— Tanner's internal monologue about relationships.
““Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is just be yourself.””
— A general theme throughout the book, especially for Sebastian.
““I wanted to be good. I wanted to be what everyone expected me to be. But I also wanted to be happy.””
— Sebastian torn between his religious upbringing and his desires.
““There’s a difference between believing in something and letting it define you.””
— Tanner offering perspective on faith and personal identity.
““You don’t just stop loving someone because it’s hard.””
— Tanner's steadfast love for Sebastian despite obstacles.
““It felt like I was holding my breath for eighteen years and finally, finally, I could exhale.””
— Tanner describing the relief of being open about his sexuality.
““Fear is a powerful motivator. But so is love.””
— Contrasting the forces driving Sebastian's decisions.
““I wasn’t just falling in love with him. I was falling in love with the idea of a future, a real future, for us.””
— Tanner's hopes for a life with Sebastian.
““Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself.””
— Sebastian grappling with guilt and self-blame.
““Being understood is a powerful thing.””
— Tanner appreciating the connection he shares with Sebastian.
““It’s not about choosing between two things you love. It’s about finding a way to love them both, or finding out which one you love more.””
— Sebastian's internal conflict between faith and his love for Tanner.
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Key Questions (FAQ)
Tanner Scott, a bisexual teen, moved from California to conservative Utah three years prior, causing him to go back into the closet. His main goal is to finish his last semester of high school and escape to an out-of-state college where he can be openly himself again, free from the societal pressures of Provo.
About the author
Christina Lauren is the pen name of the writing duo Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings. They are best known for their contemporary romance novels, including the "Beautiful" series, "The Unhoneymooners," and "Autoboyography." Their work is characterized by witty banter, engaging characters, and heartwarming stories, earning them a dedicated following in the romance genre.
