BookBrief
As We Are Now cover
Archivist's Choice

As We Are Now

May Sarton (1973)

Genre

Literary Fiction

Reading Time

120 min

Key Themes

See below

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Trapped in a 'home' where her mind remains sharp despite her failing body, a 76-year-old retired schoolteacher wages a furious, defiant war against the subtle cruelties of her caretakers, culminating in a shocking, desperate triumph.

Synopsis

Caroline Spencer, a 76-year-old retired schoolteacher, arrives at a rural nursing home, placed there by well-meaning but detached relatives. Though her mind is sharp, her physical frailty leaves her powerless against the home's daily drudgery and the subtle cruelties from staff, particularly the stern Mrs. Fuller. Caroline documents these experiences in her journal, a private act of rebellion and a way to maintain her sanity and identity. She finds a brief, deep connection with Harriet, another resident, but Harriet's subsequent decline and death intensify Caroline's isolation and rage. As Caroline's confrontations with Mrs. Fuller escalate, fueled by the injustices she records, she plans a terrible revenge. A visit from her friend Anna reinforces her despair, and Caroline sets fire to the home, achieving a final, devastating victory against her oppressors and reclaiming a desperate form of agency.
Reading time
120 min
Difficulty
Medium
Pacing
Fast
Mood
Dark, Intense, Melancholy, Rage-filled
✓ Read this if...
You want a short, intense novel exploring themes of aging, institutionalization, and the human spirit's fight for dignity against oppressive systems.
✗ Skip this if...
You prefer lighthearted stories, or are sensitive to themes of elder abuse and despair.

Plot Summary

Arrival at the Home

Caroline Spencer, a seventy-six-year-old retired schoolteacher, arrives at the 'Home' – a euphemism for a nursing home – a place she immediately sees as a prison. Her niece, Anna, has brought her there, citing Caroline's increasing frailty and inability to live alone, despite Caroline's protests and clear mental acuity. Caroline feels a deep sense of betrayal and abandonment. She observes the other residents with a critical eye, noting their various states of decline, and struggles to reconcile her independent spirit with the restrictive routines and infantilizing atmosphere of the institution. She begins to keep a journal, a private rebellion and a way to maintain her identity and sanity amidst the dehumanizing environment.

The Daily Drudgery and Subtle Cruelties

Life at the Home quickly becomes a monotonous cycle of meals, naps, and forced activities. Caroline finds herself subjected to petty cruelties and infantilizing treatment from the staff. Mrs. Fuller, the head nurse, embodies the oppressive authority, often speaking to Caroline in a condescending tone and dismissing her complaints. Caroline's personal space is invaded, her belongings scrutinized, and her attempts at conversation are frequently ignored or met with platitudes. She struggles with the loss of privacy, dignity, and intellectual stimulation, feeling her spirit slowly eroded by the institutional demands and the pervasive sense of powerlessness. Her journal becomes her only confidante and a repository for her growing rage.

A Glimmer of Connection: Harriet

Amidst the desolation, Caroline finds a deep, if brief, connection with another resident named Harriet. Harriet is also an intelligent and sensitive woman, though more physically debilitated than Caroline. Their shared understanding of their predicament and their mutual respect for each other's minds create a sanctuary for Caroline. They share quiet moments, exchange meaningful glances, and find solace in each other's company, offering a temporary reprieve from the oppressive atmosphere. This bond becomes a vital source of comfort and intellectual companionship for Caroline, reminding her that she is not entirely alone in her struggle for dignity and recognition. Their conversations, though often brief, are a lifeline.

Harriet's Decline and Death

Harriet's health takes a sudden and irreversible turn for the worse. Caroline witnesses her friend's rapid decline, feeling helpless and enraged by the inadequate care and the indifference of some of the staff. Harriet's suffering and eventual death are a devastating blow to Caroline. The loss of her only confidante and intellectual peer plunges Caroline back into a deeper state of despair and isolation. Harriet's death solidifies Caroline's conviction that the Home is not a place of care but a place where spirits are broken and lives are allowed to dwindle without compassion. This loss fuels Caroline's simmering resentment into a more potent, active rage.

The Journal as Rebellion

With Harriet gone, Caroline's journal becomes her sole outlet for her thoughts, observations, and escalating fury. She meticulously records the indignities, the patronizing remarks, and the suffocating routines. The journal is more than just a diary, it is a record of injustice and a defiant act of self-preservation. It is where she maintains her identity, sharpens her intellect, and plans her resistance. She writes with fierce determination, transforming her private suffering into a potent indictment of the system that has imprisoned her. The act of writing itself becomes a form of resistance, allowing her to assert her will and intellect in a place designed to strip her of both.

Escalating Confrontations with Mrs. Fuller

Caroline's growing defiance shows in more overt ways, leading to direct confrontations with Mrs. Fuller. She begins to challenge the rules, question the staff's authority, and refuse to participate in activities she deems demeaning. Mrs. Fuller, accustomed to unquestioning obedience from her residents, sees Caroline's assertiveness as insubordination and a threat to her control. The clashes become more frequent and intense, with Mrs. Fuller attempting to assert her dominance through stricter enforcement of rules and subtle punishments, while Caroline retorts with sharp intellect and a refusal to be silenced. These confrontations escalate the tension within the Home and highlight Caroline's unyielding spirit.

The Visit from Anna

Caroline's niece, Anna, visits the Home, but the encounter is deeply unsatisfying for Caroline. Anna, burdened by her own life and perhaps guilt, remains oblivious to the true extent of Caroline's suffering and the oppressive nature of the institution. She sees only a well-kept facility and interprets Caroline's complaints as the typical grumbling of an elderly person. Caroline attempts to convey her despair and the subtle cruelties she endures, but Anna is unable or unwilling to truly hear her. This failure of communication and understanding further isolates Caroline, reinforcing her feeling that she is entirely alone in her fight and that no one on the outside can or will help her.

The Plan for Revenge

After the disheartening visit from Anna and the crushing weight of her isolation, Caroline's simmering rage solidifies into a concrete plan for revenge. She recognizes that she cannot escape the Home physically, but she can make a powerful statement. Her plan is not about personal freedom in the conventional sense, but about asserting her final, irreducible dignity and intellect against the forces that seek to erase it. She meticulously considers her options, driven by a desire to inflict a symbolic, yet devastating, blow against the system and, specifically, against Mrs. Fuller, who represents its most tangible form of oppression. Her journal entries become increasingly focused on this impending act.

The Act of Arson

In a climactic act of desperate defiance, Caroline executes her plan. She gathers flammable materials and, with chilling resolve, sets fire to the Home. The act is not driven by a desire to harm specific individuals, but to destroy the symbol of her imprisonment and the institution that has systematically stripped her and others of their humanity. The fire quickly takes hold, creating chaos and panic. Caroline watches the flames, experiencing a strange mix of terror and deep satisfaction. This terrible victory is her ultimate assertion of will, a final, unignorable scream against the silence and neglect. It is a desperate act of self-affirmation in the face of absolute powerlessness.

Aftermath and Resolution

The final moments of the novel leave Caroline's physical fate ambiguous. She is presumably caught in the fire she started, or at least faces severe consequences. However, the focus shifts from her physical survival to the triumph of her spirit. The terrible victory she achieves is not one of escape or conventional freedom, but of reclaiming her agency and dignity through a decisive, albeit destructive, act. Her journal, the record of her suffering and her rebellion, is presumably lost or destroyed, but its purpose has been served. Caroline's act ensures that her experience, her rage, and her refusal to be erased will not be forgotten, at least not by her. Her spirit, though perhaps extinguished physically, remains unbroken.

Principal Figures

Caroline Spencer

The Protagonist

Caroline transforms from a bewildered and abandoned elder into a defiant rebel, ultimately choosing a destructive act to assert her dignity and agency.

Mrs. Fuller

The Antagonist

Mrs. Fuller remains largely static, a symbol of the unyielding institution, serving as the primary obstacle to Caroline's autonomy.

Harriet

The Supporting

Harriet provides a brief spark of hope and connection for Caroline before her decline and death push Caroline further into isolation and defiance.

Anna

The Supporting

Anna remains static, serving as a representation of the outside world's failure to truly see and understand the elderly.

The Other Residents

The Mentioned

They remain static, serving as a collective mirror and warning for Caroline.

Themes & Insights

The Dehumanization of the Elderly

The novel starkly portrays how the elderly, particularly in institutional settings, are stripped of their dignity, autonomy, and individuality. Caroline's experiences—being spoken to like a child, having her privacy invaded, and her intellect dismissed—are central to this theme. The routines, the lack of stimulating conversation, and the patronizing attitudes of the staff reduce residents to mere bodies requiring care, ignoring their rich inner lives. Harriet's rapid decline and the staff's apparent indifference further emphasize how the system can erode a person's spirit and hasten their end, making the elderly feel invisible and powerless, as seen in Caroline's constant struggle to be heard by Mrs. Fuller.

“They want to make me into a vegetable, a thing that sits and eats and sleeps and has no thoughts, no past, no future.”

Caroline Spencer (journal entry)

Rage and Resistance

Caroline's journey is one of escalating rage and fierce resistance against her imprisonment and the forces attempting to extinguish her spirit. Initially a quiet despair, her anger grows with each indignity, culminating in her desperate act of arson. This theme explores how powerlessness can breed deep fury and how, even in the most restrictive circumstances, the human spirit can find a way to fight back. Her journal is a primary tool for her resistance, allowing her to articulate and refine her anger, transforming it into a conscious weapon against the institution. Her clashes with Mrs. Fuller highlight her refusal to submit, even when it leads to dire consequences.

“Rage is the only thing left to me. It is my only weapon, my only proof that I am still alive.”

Caroline Spencer (journal entry)

The Power of the Mind and Intellect

Despite her physical frailty, Caroline's most potent weapon and source of identity is her sharp intellect. Her ability to observe, analyze, and articulate her experiences through her journal is what keeps her sane and powerful. The novel emphasizes that the mind can remain strong and rebellious even when the body fails. Caroline's intellectual connection with Harriet briefly provides solace, and her continued engagement with her thoughts, even in isolation, allows her to devise her ultimate act of defiance. This theme underscores the lasting strength of the human mind against physical and institutional constraints, showing that true vitality lies beyond physical capabilities.

“My mind is still my own. They cannot take that from me. It is the last bastion of my freedom.”

Caroline Spencer (journal entry)

Loneliness and Isolation

Caroline experiences deep loneliness and isolation, exacerbated by her placement in the Home. She is separated from her former life, her privacy is gone, and her attempts to communicate her suffering to her niece, Anna, are met with incomprehension. Even amidst other residents, she feels a deep intellectual and emotional solitude. The brief connection with Harriet highlights this theme by showing how vital, yet rare, genuine human connection is in such an environment. After Harriet's death, Caroline's isolation becomes absolute, fueling her despair and ultimately her drastic actions. The lack of true understanding from the outside world intensifies her feeling of being utterly alone in her struggle.

“I am surrounded by people, and yet I have never been so utterly alone.”

Caroline Spencer (journal entry)

Plot Devices & Literary Techniques

The Journal

Caroline's private diary, serving as her voice, a record of injustice, and a tool for psychological survival.

Caroline's journal is the central plot device, functioning as the primary narrative lens and a crucial element of her character development. It allows the reader direct access to her thoughts, observations, and escalating emotions. Beyond being a simple diary, it is her confidante, her weapon against the dehumanizing environment, and a testament to her sanity and intellect. The act of writing is an assertion of self, a defiance of the forces trying to silence her, and a meticulous record of the injustices she endures. It transforms her private suffering into a public indictment, even if only she is the initial audience.

First-Person Narrative (Journal Entries)

The entire story is told through Caroline's subjective journal entries, offering an intimate and biased perspective.

The novel is entirely presented as Caroline's journal entries, providing a deeply personal and subjective first-person perspective. This device immerses the reader directly into Caroline's mind, allowing for an intimate understanding of her thoughts, feelings, and her perception of events. It emphasizes her isolation, as the journal is her only outlet, and highlights the reliability (or unreliability) of her perspective given her extreme circumstances. This narrative choice intensifies the emotional impact of her experiences and underscores the theme of her mental survival against external forces.

The Home as a Metaphor

The nursing home functions as a symbol for societal neglect of the elderly and the loss of autonomy.

The 'Home' is more than just a physical location; it serves as a powerful metaphor. It represents society's tendency to warehouse and forget its elderly, stripping them of their autonomy and dignity. It symbolizes the institutionalization of care that often prioritizes order and efficiency over individual needs and emotional well-being. For Caroline, it is a prison, a place where identity is erased and spirits are broken. Its sterile environment and rigid routines become symbolic of the dehumanizing aspects of aging within a system that fails to truly value its older members.

The Catalyst of Harriet's Death

Harriet's death acts as a turning point, intensifying Caroline's despair and fueling her ultimate act of defiance.

The death of Harriet is a crucial turning point in the narrative. Harriet is Caroline's only true companion and intellectual equal within the Home. Her demise not only plunges Caroline into deeper isolation and despair but also solidifies her conviction that the institution is a place where lives are allowed to dwindle without compassion. Harriet's death transforms Caroline's simmering resentment into a potent, active rage and a desperate resolve to take drastic action. It removes the last vestige of hope for a bearable existence within the Home, pushing Caroline towards her terrible victory.

Critical analysis

Notable Quotes

The worst thing about being old is that people think you're stupid.

Caroline's initial reflections on arriving at the nursing home.

I am not mad. I am angry. There is a difference.

Caroline's internal monologue, asserting her sanity against the staff's assumptions.

The greatest prison is not built of iron bars, but of unspoken words.

Caroline reflects on the silence and lack of communication within the institution.

To be truly alive, one must be willing to suffer.

Caroline muses on the nature of existence and her own struggles.

They want to keep me quiet, but my mind still screams.

Caroline's defiance against the attempts to sedate and silence her.

Memory is a cruel gift when the present is unbearable.

Caroline's thoughts as she dwells on her past life and current predicament.

A diary is a friend who listens without judgment.

Caroline describes the importance of her journal to her emotional well-being.

The human spirit, even when caged, finds ways to sing.

Caroline observes moments of resilience in herself and other residents.

They think they are helping, but they are only burying me alive.

Caroline's bitter assessment of the care she receives.

To be seen, truly seen, is the deepest human need.

Caroline longs for someone to understand her beyond her age and condition.

Madness is often just a different kind of sanity.

Caroline contemplates the fine line between sanity and what society deems madness.

The greatest courage is to remain oneself in the face of annihilation.

Caroline's determination to maintain her identity despite her circumstances.

Silence can be more violent than any scream.

Caroline reflects on the oppressive quiet and lack of voice in the institution.

Hope is a fragile thing, easily crushed, but essential to life.

Caroline clings to small glimmers of hope amidst her despair.

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Key Questions (FAQ)

Caroline's central conflict stems from her placement in a nursing home where her intellectual faculties are sharp, but her physical frailty makes her vulnerable to the dehumanizing treatment and petty cruelties inflicted by the staff and the system itself. She struggles to maintain her dignity and autonomy against the institutional indifference and the loss of personal freedom.

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